My Death and my Own Resurrection
In 2023 my job ended suddenly, I was working tirelessly at a contract role and felt lifeless. To be honest, I was ready for it to end. What an awful job that was and what awful people that I worked with. Literally, I was in a snake pit. I was honestly somewhat grateful that it ended but had no idea that I would face in the coming months, a complete financial disaster. The only way I can describe the financial death that I went through is analogous to seeing someone looking at their property after a tornado has taken it all down.
When I reached out to family to help financially it was an eye opening experience. Some shunned me, some ignored my posts, some stopped talking to me altogether. I accept this and I am actually grateful that God-Source Energy showed me true intentions of those around me. I was always one who took care of finances, paid my bills supported my friends and some family when they needed something, supported my neighbors. I had a good credit score etc. When I needed help only one family member stepped forward with heart energy. The rest never offered, never looked or ignored me, some gave with a spirit of bitching, and some people I never expected friends on Facebook and extended family gave to us. There were others who gave out of obligation. It is a difficult pill to swallow. As I write this, I am coming to a level of forgiveness, but I cannot forget this experience.
The death of my finances does in fact feel like a real death in so many ways. In this experience, I experienced great judgement from people around me, sadness, grief, the tears it seems unbearable at times. There were nights that I cried myself to sleep and just wanted to leave the earth. I now realize that at the same time I am experiencing this death, something new inside is being born and I am so glad that I kept fighting through it. I honestly could feel the curses uttered toward me from those closest, “What’s wrong with her?” You see there is a stigma on someone who is losing money. People are quick to judge that there is an underlying reason perhaps mental illness or one is irresponsible with money. No one really talks about the desert experience with God and why you may have been placed there? I do enourage you, if you are reading this to search out “The Dark Night of the Soul” If you are reading this, it is because you are supposed to be reading this. Perhaps at some point you may face your own Dark Night and if you do, I would like you to remember this story because you can survive it.
It was not until this morning that I gathered the strength to tell my story. This experience has been exceptionally traumatic, and if I am being very honest it can be a life ending experience for those who do not understand what this is. Another reason that I need to get this out there when suicide rates are at an all time high, yet no one is talking openly about it. I would go as far as to say that at my age in my senior years some would call it “golden years”, I am sadly going through all this. I do not have a support system except my husband and God really and a few people. My husband went through his own dark night experience in 2019 and that is where I learned of this.
In one year and this is before the Pandemic, he lost his only brother the only family he had left suddenly, the following day my brother lost his wife and a baby in a house fire in the Carolinas. We were very sick with one of the worst flu experiences we ever had. There was a lot going on and this happened in the month of April. My husband looked at me from across the room and said, “I do not want to be here any more” something beautiful came out of that experience. I will talk more on that in another article it was miraculous. Through some spiritual searching, I figured out that he entered his Dark Night and once I understood this, I became patient and encouraged things that would allow him to work through this. I was and have been the sole support of my small unit he and I.
I know there are people out there experiencing this aloneness and I will say this to you. This is isolation, it is like a prison experience but not always punitive, forcing you to go within and possibly depend on others. It can happen quickly or over time. Do not give up, draw closer to your God whatever that looks like to you. If you are Hindu go to your portal-your God, if you are Christian turn to Christ, the same for all. Follow your portal to your heart energy and open up, be brave and ask for help. I saw people in my own family behaving very selfishly, and giving begrudingly and that is not my Karma -I will say that as I do not wish to curse anyone.
I learned from this experience, that there are a lot of Psychic Vampires in my own nest and when you are isolated in your desert walking with your maker it is sometimes no fault of your own. It is easy to get down on yourself it is easy to give up. My neighbors have been absolute Angels to us treating us better than most people in my family. I heard it said, “Blood is thicker than water.” I am here to tell you that is complete Bullshit. Find your tribe, be brave and ask for help. There are resources out there and they are not easy to find but I will write about them here so please support me here and follow my journey.
Today this journey begins after my isolation period. If you want to hear about anything in particular feel free to write me here. getyoufocused@gmail.com. You may not get an immediate response but if there is something you want to know about, I will be happy to consider it for my next article.
If this helped you in any way, I have a gofundme or you can buy me a coffee, purchase my poetry on Amazon or help on Gofundme