The reason I’ve been so miserable is because I stopped doing the things I loved to do. I think I finally hit rock bottom and now I’m coming back up. I know exactly what I need to do to get back up on my feet but I now see hope for the future. And the future me. I might not always know what I’m going to do next but I’ve got to give myself some credit. For someone who doesn’t always know what they’re doing, and for someone who has hit her lowest point so far, I think I’m doing pretty damn good. I’m trying to drown myself in the shallow end because in the end, I want to make it so I come back up for air faster so I can finally breathe. I had an epiphany. Everything that I once cared about is coming back to me. Before this demon crawled inside my skull I had another one already in there. The old one is gonna be the tough one to get out. But like I said…

Fake it till ya make it…

This past year made me lose myself and my individuality. I felt like I was just another piece in a game. Maybe I am, but if I am I can at least try to be happy. Even if I am just barely surviving. I’m not sure if I care enough yet. But I’m going to try.

I tried to drown myself on the shallow end. How ridiculous is that?

But what I’m scared of is what is going to happen if I try to drown myself on the deep end.

I don’t even want to know….

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