Why You Feel Like a Failure | Alain de Button
In our modern society, comparing ourselves to others seems as natural as breathing. And technology has only supercharged that instinct.
Smartphones and social media have given us unlimited access to what would otherwise be privately or locally shared — so that the highlights and accomplishments of our friends and family are available to us with just the smallest maneuvers of our thumbs.
But not only just those closest to us, instead this privilege extends to anyone who uses the same technology you do. And let’s be real, that’s basically everyone on planet earth that belongs to a higher civilization. That’s over 3 billion people at your fingertips.
However, even though we may follow, say, 1,000 people, our human nature makes us much more selective for who we compare ourselves with. So that out of that 1,000, it’s more like 10 or so whom we count as critical reference points.
And these reference point are typically not the Brad Pitts and Blake Livelys of the world. For the average human, these super stars are beyond the target of our comparison group; which is why we can track their accomplishments and be genuinely happy for them. But it’s those on the other hand who we count as our peers — our equals — who have our most anxious and special attention.
