The Real 5-ish Stages of Grief When Getting Broken Up With

  1. Shock

Is this really happening? I know I should be feeling depressed, but right now I’m a bit numb. I’m even thinking clearly. I think I’ve grown up. I’ve matured and understand that break ups happen for a reason and they are no ones fault. What’s that? You still love me but don’t want to date anymore? You know what, I understand. I know how you feel. I thought I would be more emotional, but it’s just not coming right now. I can feel it inside of me. I’m sure it will bubble up, but right now I just don’t have much to say. This is surreal. The only person I’ve ever felt like I’ve loved is breaking up with me, and I have nothing to say. Weird.

2. Anger

What… the… fuck… How could this happen?! I’ve given you so much. Seriously, how the FUCK could this happen?! You know, if you’re not gonna “guard my heart”, then don’t tell me you will. And you know what else?! While you’re at it, don’t ask me to do the same for you when you obviously wont do it for me! You have the nerve to ask me to not hurt you while you’re cutting my chest open and ripping out my heart?! What the hell were you thinking?! What the hell was I thinking?! You tricked me! You gave me a safe feeling! You gave me comfort! And you ripped it away! God dammit! Honestly what was the end goal here? What did you even want to get out of this whole thing? You just wanted attention! You used me to fulfill your need for companionship and intimacy! You were starved for affection and you used me to get that! You FUCKING broke my HEART! What am I suppose to do now?!

3. Empathy/Understanding

You know, when I think about it, it makes sense. How was it suppose to work? The timing was just horrible. You just wanted to live your life. You needed to live your life. I wasn’t actively holding you back, but in your mind I was the last link to a past place; a place that you were ready to move on from. You were never the type to look back. You always looked forward. How could I fault you for that? I loved you for that. I never wanted to make you feel like I was holding you back. I was there to support you. And we also never got to repair those cracks that started to show. Normal couples get that opportunity. They get the chance to let the other know everything is ok after an argument. We didn’t have that luxury. We slowly but surely drifted apart. But that was the situation we were in. It just didn’t work. We didn’t fail, our relationship failed. I just wonder what I could have done differently?

4. Guilt

This is all ultimately my fault. I wish I hadn’t done so much wrong. I mean, I tried my best, but it obviously wasn’t enough. I feel like I could have done so much more. Why did I have to argue with you about your hair color? Why couldn’t I have done more to get to you sooner? This is all my fault. If I was more confident, if I wasn’t always worried that you’d get tired of me I wouldn't have made the relationship about you. You never liked dependency, and that’s exactly what I did. I catered to you. I came off as depended. I may have been a bit. It’s my fault for not being comfortable enough with myself. What an idiot I was.

5. Disgust

God just the thought of you with someone else makes me sick. It makes me physically ill to imagine you being intimate with someone else. God what the fuck, brain. Why do you even go there?! Ugh, you fucking traitor. And why am I still feeling this way? It’s been months. It’s so pathetic. You obviously don’t want me in your life. Why do I keep trying to force myself in? This is not me, so why am I acting like this? There’s absolutely nothing attractive about this. I’m making myself sick with this behavior. It’s just disgusting

6. Acceptance

This is just how it has to be. Sometimes there is no reason. Sometimes you don’t get an answer. I loved you and you loved me and we tried out best with the circumstances we had. This hurt will go away eventually, and I’ll be stronger because of it. Right now I have to live with it. I have to be constructive with this time. I don’t understand why this happened, but I know eventually it wont matter. I will survive this. I always do.

7. Bargaining

You know I’m glad that’s over with. We could probably be friends again at this point. You always said you’d like to stay friends, and I think I’m finally ready. I’m not gonna fall for you again. Nope! No way! We’ve been down that road. Time for something else. Let’s just start trying to talk again. It’ll be fine. There’s no ulterior motives here, honestly. This really could blossom into a great friendship. Life is short, no reason for us to keep living in the past. This will be the start of something new and fulfilling for us!

8. Depression

How much of a failure do I have to be for you to not even want me in your life anymore. It’s the indifference that hurts the most. You don’t even hate me. It’s worse then that. You could not just give a single shit about me. Who was I kidding? I still love you. How could I not? And you want nothing to do with me. You’re doing things without me that we said we’d do together. You’re sharing experiences with another guy that we were supposed to share. If you saw me on the street, I feel like you would look through me. You’re avoiding me like the plague. When we rarely talk, you’re short with me. No common courtesies. No, “How have you been?” or “Hope you’re doing well.” You have completely moved on and I’m stuck here. Can someone even love me? Did you even love me? I need love. I am so lonely right now.

9. Desire

I just want your love. I need your love. I am incomplete without it. I miss you. I miss your touch and your smile. You are the strongest woman I’ve ever known. How can I go back to dating and meeting these insecure women? I’ve had the best and now I only want the best. There is no one else out there like you. I want YOU. Do you miss me? Do you miss my companionship and love? Do you ever want my touch; want my intimacy? We had such an amazing physical connection. That was one of the stronger aspects of our relationship. Fuck, you’re sexy. And you made me feel sexy. We clicked in bed. We both knew exactly which buttons to press. We were god damn animals at times. But no matter what, I always felt so much love for you after. And I felt loved too. I knew you loved me. It was a great feeling. I’d give anything to have that again.

10. Indifference

… Yah, so fuck her. I just had a great fucking day and that shit doesn’t matter anymore. You know if I saw her right now I really wouldn’t care. Today was amazing. God, it’s good to be alive. I’m going to Amsterdam this weekend! Fucking Amsterdam! I’m fucking living a dream right now! And next week me and Silvia are gonna go get some drinks! I’ve still got it. I shine, and people can see that. Who care’s if you didn’t. Fuck yes. Life is good.

11. Redemption

I’ve made it through. I am stronger now. Damn, that was hard but I’m a better person now because of it. I hate saying it, but it really did all happen for a reason. I know what I want and don’t want out of a relationship. I know what’s important to me. And I know what I need to work on. Thank you for helping me learn this. Thank you for this experience. You’ve given me a great gift. I hope you have a wonderful life. Goodbye.

12. Anger

Fucking ass! Why won’t this goddam feeling just go away already!

The point is, I’ve gone through all of these “stages”, sometimes all within the same day, and there is nothing wrong with feeling these or any other emotions. It’s completely natural to be a bit crazy, especially when you feel like you’ve been abandoned by someone who you felt would never hurt you. Love is a weird, fucked up thing, but also beautiful, and heartwarming. Getting over a lost love takes time. There is no timeline. There is no recipe for moving on. It can take years, months, or if you’re a real heartless bastard maybe you just need a few weeks. Just keep going, day by day. Cry when you need to cry. Be upset and in the next few minutes jump to happiness. Just remember to try and keep your dignity. You can and should share these emotions with your support system, but NEVER your ex. Being a dependent twat never helps. Live your life. Try to be a better person. And most importantly, don’t be an asshole if you’re on the other side. One day, it’ll come back to you.