Standing in line at a coffee shop waiting to be served is a perfect time to overhear the many dramas people seem to be experiencing in their lives. I was particularly captivated by the conversation going on between two ladies in front of me. One was exclaiming that the date she had recently gone on would probably not lead to another date as there was not, as she put it, any “chemistry” between them. This is usually around the time where I am so captivated by what I just heard that I end up being swept up by own thoughts and mentally leave that conversation in order to start reflecting on my own. This particular morning I ended up thinking about what the sentence “no chemistry” even means when applied to a social setting. I never understood that expression to begin with. To me, chemistry was always something that involved sterilized test tubes, dangerous liquids and people in oversized lab coats and goggles. How can you measure chemistry between people? Does more of this “chemistry” equal a better relationship or partnership?

Slowly I started remembering other attempts I had heard of where people try to predict which two people will make the best couple. I had recently read an article that claimed that we choose our partners based on our sniffing ability. Apparently we use our olfactory system to pick up on pheromones that give an indication as to what genes make up the immune system of the person we are smelling. The theory here is that we select partners that have the opposite genes as we do so that when we reproduce with them our offspring will have a greater variety of genes to select from and will therefore be more likely to possess genes that will help their future survival. I then remembered having this idea laughed at by one of my Neuroscience professors. Once the mockery was over she proceeded to tell the class of a study that claimed that the reason women in their 20s and 30s begin to be unfaithful to their partners approximately two years after marriage is because they no longer pick up the scent that made them once think the partners had the opposite genes as they do. After approximately two years of marriage most couples of a certain age begin to think about expanding their family. For this reason women often stop taking their contraceptive pills. According to the study, when on a contraceptive pill your body is left to believe that it is already pregnant so instead of searching for someone with the opposite genes, women now search for someone with similar genes as them because those with similar genes are probably your family, and are therefore the more likely suspects that will help you raise your child. This is pretty in line with the idea of kin selection. When off the contraceptive, women unconsciously realize that they weren’t really attracted to their spouse and therefore look elsewhere.

Now, here’s my question: If looking for someone with the opposite genes is really the way we pick out a partner what about the husband in this situation? Why didn’t he realize beforehand that he and his wife weren’t compatible? This can hardly be a valid measure of compatibility! It seems to me that this study is suggesting that women have all the power in terms of choosing a mate. The feminist part of me is kicking myself even as I think this but I must wonder: what about the men and their choices?

By the time I finished my coffee I realized I had come to no real conclusion as to what I was really wondering about which was how can I come up with a foolproof way of choosing a partner. In the end I have no ideas for a reliable or valid measure so I resort to believing who you end up with is probably all chance anyway.

On a last note, if you are one of these people who buys into the theory mentioned above then all I can really say is I hope you don’t have a cold or the sniffles this week or perhaps you might come to regret your choice of date this coming weekend!