Thanks for letting me go
It’s been awhile.
Thanks for letting me go.
Thanks for understanding that I had to go. It wasn’t what you wanted to do, but you knew you had to. You knew I needed to leave and you let me. You never put up a fight, you never told me not to do it. In fact, you encouraged it. You hugged me goodbye and sent me on my way — fully aware that it could very well be the end.
It takes courage to look the person you care about in the eye and say, “Go”. It takes a pretty powerful person to set someone free like you set me free. What guts it must take to let someone go into the big world never knowing if they will come back or even if they ever should come back.
What if that goodbye was the end of the road for what has become our relationship?
It’s taken me a long time to see it this way. Maybe you let me go for selfish reasons. Perhaps knowing letting me go was a way for you to gain a freedom you haven’t had in many, many years? Maybe it was the only way you felt you could truly move on with your life? Maybe, maybe, maybe — but so what?
You let me go. You let me go into the world to create myself. You let me do something I’ve always wanted to do and you never once made me feel selfish for wanting out. You stood by me.
Maybe you were afraid I would resent you if you guilted me into staying? Maybe you were afraid we’d always hit the same wall we’d be hitting for years if I would have stayed? Maybe you were afraid you would be the one with resentment? Maybe, maybe, maybe — but so what?
You let me go. And for that I thank you. Not because my life now has moments that feel like they should be on the big screen. Not because I still get giddy when I write down my new address. Not because I’m doing something I’d only dreamed about before. Not because I’m getting a new perspective on life and learning to love myself on a whole new level. Not because I’m slowing down and enjoying the little moments of magic that happen in the ordinary days. Not because I’m meeting new people and starting a brand new life.
No, it’s not because of any of those things I thank you for. I thank you for simply allowing me to leave.
Up until now I feel like I haven’t shown you the same courage. So please know, I want you to go too.
I want you to go out into the world and find yourself. I want nothing more than for you to be happy. I want nothing more than for you to love freely, laugh freely and live freely. You deserve it. You deserve it all. And you deserve to explore the world through a new lens, with new friends and new places — or perhaps old places and friends that feel new again.
And while you are out there, just do me this one favor — don’t settle. Please don’t ever settle. Because one day when you want to chase a dream, I hope you have someone who loves you enough to not hold you back.