Do I want to be an architect?
Multipotentialites and their problems
It’s been clear to me for a while that I don’t have one true calling, but multiple ones. I find myself involved in different projects, I dicover new interests and paths to pursue almost every day, and I am in continuous movement. I’ve been like this for most part of my life.
During my teenage years I thought I have the perfect path in front of me, and that would be becoming a doctor. I loved and still love biology and chemistry. I started to prepare myself for it, but I always had this feeling of missing out on so many other things by focusing on a single subject. While preparing for med school and already visualising myself in the environment, I still pursued my creative and artistic side. For high school I decided to follow this creative voice, so I started vocational studies in art and design. At the same time I kept preparing for studying medicine after high school graduation. I kept juggling between the subjects. After a lot of thinking and hard decision making, I was ready to go forward with studying architecture.
And here I am now, an expat, finishing my degree in architecture, and still moving, pirouetting, and swinging between my multiple passions.
High school years provided me with a great environment. A creative, buzzing, interdisciplinary atmosphere. There was always the problem of having to specialize on a certain area. I could never fit the mould. I was always questioning if it’s the right choice. When spending all my time immersing in a subject and neglecting my other ‘’callings’’, I became bored and blue, almost to the point of having what it is called as ‘’an existential crisis’’. I felt alone, I felt broken, I felt like my expertise and knowledge are good for nothing. I felt mediocre. I envied people who could just invest themselves completely in a certain subject.
And this situation went on and on, year after year: trying to find balance between all of my thoughts, ideas, knowledge, and potential.
We are expected to choose, but what if we can’t? How can I just dismiss all the other parts of me without any regret?