Last year was an eye opener and honestly, I am happy that we went on lockdown last year. It wasn’t the best year but it was a great year even with all the sad things that happened in the world and to me.
I felt like I was in a very dark place at some point in my life, after a breakup that hit me so hard, battling with PTSD, crazy anxieties and sometimes loneliness. I knew what I wanted, but wasn’t sure on how to go about any of them [still kinda there]. That phase where you keep questioning every idea you get, every step you want to take, every person that come around you. You are just still and watching everyone else live their lives; picking up the tiny pieces left in your corner. I learnt an exercise I call 'M.A.G' [Manifestation, affirmation and gratitude] through the help of some friends and people & pages I found on social media. These acts help(ed) me get over depression and anxiety with gratitude, affirm and speak into existence the great things life and God have in stock for me. It took me time to accept that just the words “I am stronger than I know it" can make me do better in a day than I plan. I unlearned to speak negative things and have negative thoughts about myself, it is a whole process and I am still in the process, because sometimes it could be a life journey; if you are in this process take your time, don’t force things, breathe and try again and again.
In December, I did an exercise I do at the end of the year or after a moment or phase of my life, I looked back at everything that happened to me, everyone I let into my life and the roles they played, the things I enjoyed and those I cried about. I made a decision and a promise to myself….
I promised to keep an open mind, to accept the things that come to me with a pure heart, to remove the things that are undeserving, unlearn the negative habits, never expect too much, to always be grateful for even the tiniest t-hings, to pray to God and serve God better.
This year has been a very peaceful year for me. I still have times I feel like I am loosing it, I just want to stay alone and find myself again, there are times I still feel very conf-used, so many times, and I know that’s very ok because we have things that will want to criticize our life and works. My greatest lesson this year is “My world is as big as I make it", these words have been my guide for some months and I always tell myself especially when I feel like I am shrinking or not good enough. I have unlearned to stop trying to please people, but to say “nice offer, thank you but I can’t" I don’t need to have a particular reason to say no.
Open mindedness, learning and unlearning are processes and I am happy to be in it, I am trusting it. The phases of life and everything they teach us, I love how they make us whole and new. Some other things I have learnt so far:
- I have learnt to trust my instincts more, believe in my own judgement.
- I have learnt to stop worrying about things I can’t control.
- I have learnt that I can be anything and everything I put my mind into and the words 'I can’t' is only for a lazy man or a disabled.
Life is an interesting journey, even as crazy as it can be sometimes and two very important things you need to have is 'an open mind' and ‘a grateful heart’. We learn everyday, and as we learn, we need to unlearn too. Learn to remove whatever that doesn’t serve you right, it could be friends, habits, food, music, movies and sometimes family. When we unlearn certain habits and remove ourselves from certain situations or people, we create a better atmosphere for new opportunities, for a new phase and it draws us closer to the person we want to become; we feel more satisfied with ourselves.
•I will share with you, with time, how I deal with somethings and keys I use to deal with certain situations, how I keep an open mind. I hope to learn from your own story too.
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