How practicing vulnerability makes us better…
Edited by Britney Writes
‘Cry baby’ is a somewhat ridicule phrase that mainstream social relations have made synonymous with ‘weakness’ or ‘too emotional’. For the past 10 to 12 years I have been observing and learning and honestly, I didn’t realize that till this year, I have been learning ‘why it is important to express myself fully when I feel the urge to’; letting things out, pouring out and expressing your emotions especially when hurt. The simple significant act of crying has been stigmatized, it’s either seen as a sin or abomination or a sign of ‘weakness’. It is believed that when you express yourself “you are letting things get to you a lot and it isn’t cool”. It’s crazy the kind of ideas people have that even something as simple as crying is frowned upon.
In Primary school, I was referred to as ‘the one to let it out and cry’. I recently connected with an old friend who didn’t forget to remind me of my 'vulnerable days. He said something like, “you that used to cry too much that time especially when you are angry…”. I was just that kind of person, I have always been that person and as I am now, I have decided to always be that person to express myself in whatever way I can and feel comfortable in. I am someone who when offended by someone I care about, will say, “I feel hurt by those words, please stop”. I am that kind of person to remind my friends of how grateful I am to have them in my life, how amazing I think they are and how much I love them. I have also noticed that not a lot of people share my enthusiasm about gratitude or my vulnerability. They usually will say things like how it will make people take advantage of me or perceive me as weak. I might have listened to them years ago, hell I might have even agreed to it but that’s not me now. You may not agree with me about the importance of self expression especially the one that involves tears but at least hear me out first.
This is how being vulnerable made 2021 a better year for me…
I launched into 2021 with just two goals: ‘to gain mental stability and to learn to take full control of my anxiety attacks’. I knew practicing vulnerability and learning to let things weighing on me off my chest were part of the ways to achieve this. I was insecure about this thought and the whole idea of expressing myself to people was scarier but I met someone. I met someone who I am super grateful for, I met people, and a few, that made me realize vulnerability isn’t as crazy as the world make it look. I was able to express myself better without feeling like I was saying too much; I didn’t feel like I was doing so much by crying.
This is how I started to practice vulnerability more often; I practiced it whenever I felt I should, which should be like daily…
- I started opening up more when I could not hold it in anymore.
- I began to forgive easily without a second thought which helped a lot in moving on. I saw the need to forgive myself, forgive other people, find real peace within myself, and be able to focus more on what really matters.
- I began saying more “I love you and I am super grateful to have you in my life”. I realized, saying these do not make me a weak person. I was also practicing gratitude by doing this and it made me see clearly that there are beautiful things to life after all.
This is where I can boldly say again, the sense in the words that “expressing yourself will make you look weak” is less. But this also hinges on the people around you, it matters a lot on the energy you attract. If you have ‘friends ‘or people in your corner that assume you to be weak or too emotional for letting things out, for crying when you can no longer hold it in, YOU NEED TO CHANGE OR CUT OFF YOUR INTERACTIONS WITH THEM. WALK AWAY AND NEVER LOOK BACK!
Learning this act and practicing it has made me:
- Able to define my emotions better than I used to.
- Happier because I have come to realize that expressing myself and letting things out when I have to makes me feel better and calm.
- See the beautiful things of life by daily gratitude, telling my loved ones how much I appreciate them and them reciprocating the feeling too.
- Forgive, ignore or react when necessary without feeling too extra for doing so.
Most of all, practicing vulnerability has made me see that it is about the people around me, it is about the energy I surround myself with, it is about me being able to grow in every way and love myself more.
I hope we see that the stigma attached to vulnerability is senseless and it isn’t a weakness but a great power that helps us grow. These entire act make us a better person in one way or the other, it is also a way to spread love and encourage ourselves and others. You can practice vulnerability also by having the willingness to feel pride or shame, reaching out to an old friend you would like to reconnect with, stepping out of your comfort zone, and risking rejection.
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