Networking: Methods for a Light Ask
How do you network when the word gives you chills?
For me, as for many others, the presence of ‘networking’ anywhere in an event name or description ensures that I will have a prior conflicting commitment. I am baffled by people who view those at networking events as friends they haven’t met yet; I look with awe upon those who pull a group of five strangers together using a gripping-yet-relevant anecdote.
Yet, what I find hardest about networking is the ask. When I was coming out of a degree in philosophy, trying to enter the highly competitive field of strategy consulting, I found myself in a time-vortex of coffee shops in an endless stream of ‘informational interviews.’ In order to avoid my real ask (“Is your company hiring?”) I hid behind the easier ask (“Do you know anyone?”)
This is by no means unique to women, but research does show that women on average have more difficulty directly advocating for themselves. This makes clear, pointed networking an unproductive nightmare.
To circumvent the high-voltage charge the word ‘networking’ has come to acquire, I suggest you approach formally meeting people like any other social situation. That’s not to say your conversational partners are your future best friends (as viewed by the extrovert above), but networking at heart is the pursuit of a useful, human connection — like at any party, happy hour, or club meeting — and there is no need to treat it differently.
1. Network when you don’t need anything
The best time to network is when you don’t think you need to network. You’re happy at your job, you have no plans of starting a business, and you’re flush with friends. This is prime network time.
There will always be situations requiring a headlong sprint into a sea of cold calls, but you can ease the stress by preempting the ask. By networking when you don’t need anything, you alleviate the inevitable pressure you feel when a task looms, while building your rolodex of contacts. Further, the recipients of your outreach will feel more inclined to form a lasting relationship rather than rushing through fulfillment of an immediate ask. I promise you, the experience will be more enjoyable for everyone involved.
2. Offer to make connections
This is a particular issue for junior / young people: it is easy — and false — to believe that you have nothing to offer in return. Whether you are networking with lateral peers or potential mentors, you are always able to provide incremental value.
Is someone interested in your company? Even if you have no influence over hiring, you surely know people who do. Do they want to make a career move? You may know nothing about their target field, but you probably know someone who does. And, what if the person to whom you’re talking wants nothing at all? Well, I’ve heard you’re a pretty good conversational partner.
3. Don’t rule people out based on seniority
Building off of our prior point, no one is above talking to you. Some of my best advocates have been C-Suite leaders or partners at consulting firms, while peers may be trapped by the same feelings of inadequacy around networking that you’re experiencing.
As long as you have a clear mission in mind, which should include forming a personal connection, you should never feel dissuaded from contacting a senior leader.
4. But, trust your gut
If the person you’re talking to seems disinterested or disingenuous, politely remove yourself from the conversation. You have no reason to spend your most valuable asset (your time) on a relationship that won’t be mutually beneficial.
At a networking event or even when responding to a cold call, we are all present because we have something to gain, as in any other social setting. Some people have a specific goal in mind (the ‘ask’) or are particularly receptive to the asks of others. Other people network because it’s broadly beneficial for their careers. Regardless, everyone is trying to connect.
