Embracing More Than “Good Vibes”
It seems that within the New Age, spiritual community, we have become collectively obsessed with the notion of “good vibes.” I was reminded of this the other day as I scrolled passed an Instagram post that read, “Stay close to people who feel like sunlight.” Unexamined, it is pretty advice; why wouldn’t we surround ourselves with those who show us the side of life that looks like glitter and rainbows? But on closer examination, it becomes quickly evident that something is missing...
Darkness is missing; our dense — fertile and earthly — inner world. It appears that within this sun-struck advice, in what is left out, there exists room for shame about our inner darkness to fester — and judgment of that which exists in others. I want to probe: how, then, should we engage with those who move more like dense rain clouds? Do we, without question, distance ourselves from those who radiate what we have determined to be “bad vibes”? Are they undeserving of our attention and tenderness? Are they less worthy of space and love?
We all want to be around those who inspire and uplift us, understandably; however, by negating the other side of life — that which is dense and challenging — we neglect the part our humanity that we ourselves are no less capable of experiencing. Through upholding the belief that only good vibes are welcome, we subtly suggest that we ourselves would never bear such a thing as “bad vibes.” By labelling people’s vibes as inherently “good” or “bad,” we subtly put ourselves on a pedestal without getting closer to examine what’s really going on — without stepping into our capacity for shared humanity. “Good vibes only” is a cushion that suffocates vulnerability, raw truth, and a whole half of our human experience.
“Good vibes only” is a cushion that suffocates vulnerability, raw truth, and a whole half of our human experience.
The ego absolutely adores to label things; it is a practice that makes us feel safe and secure. It allows us to uphold a sense of “I” that believes it knows what is right and what is worthy of time and space. The problem with “good vibes only” is that more often than not, the ego determines what side of the fence someone else lands on — without considering the underlying personal factors that are at play.
More often than not, when we are uncomfortable with other people’s so-called “bad vibes” it is because we are uncomfortable with our own capacity to hold the same — our own capacity for heaviness, darkness, or societally-discouraged feelings and sensations. However, rather than acquiesce to our resistance to this heaviness, there is great opportunity — and treasure to be discovered — when we soften ourselves to this resistance and invite it in.
“…there is great opportunity — and treasure to be discovered — when we soften ourselves to this resistance and invite it in.”
While sunlight is radiant and inspiring, darkness holds mystery and the possibility of real vulnerability. And let’s face it: no one is made of pure light, despite what certain spiritualists might tell you. By shunning the “bad vibes” that radiate out from ourselves and from others, we move further away from wholeness, connection, and humanity — characteristics that the same New-Age spiritualists would claim to stand for.
All of this is not to say that we must welcome any and everything into our lives. It does not mean that we tolerate abuse of any sort. It does not require that we must give excess time and space to those who do not mutually enhance us on the whole — but it does ask us to move deeper than our instinctual judgment of what is good and bad, what is worthy and what is unworthy.
As we learn to open ourselves to what would be more comfortable to reject, we find a greater capacity to hold our shared humanity. Rather than run from that which scares us, we can softly open to it. How do we gently make space for these vibes we are uncomfortable with? We can ask if everything is okay, we can send a warm smile, or we can offer a compliment. We can simply choose to approach the situation, or person, with non-judgment and compassion.
We do not have to become immersed in any effort to fix or heal anyone as if we are better-off-than; this would only be another subtle maneuver onto the pedestal. We simply are called instead to recognize our own humanity in the confronting behaviour and do the best we can to embrace it.
Good or bad, pretty or ugly, we are all made of the same stuff. Each of us holds the capacity for good days and for bad days; for well-managed social maneuvers and for last minute breakdowns. By beginning to understand that we are not in the position to decipher what is “good” and what is “bad,” we start to embrace an innate wholeness of our own being and of that in others. By remaining open to all vibes, without labels, we explore situations and people using a different mechanism — by tapping into the shared human heart.
