How to Bridge the Gaps That Divide Us
It seems we are up against the world these days. Existing on a rapidly expanding planet that is running out of resources, is chock full of inequality, and can never seem to agree on anything, it eerily appears that this great Earth is falling apart. But it is that final notion that captivates me — this inability we seem to have to agree on anything. Yes, the environment is in need of active protection, and yes, there are times to fight for equal rights, but in all of this fighting we’re doing, we seem to be only scratching the surface of an underlying problem — that is, the way we interact.
Whether we label ourselves as right or left, rich or poor, our opinions, behaviours, and ways of communicating are driving us apart when what we need to be seeking, and promoting through both words and action, is unity.
In exploring this idea, the early 2000s jumps out at me. As a young high school student, I never understood the nature vs. nurture debate because of the way it was framed: as a debate. Perhaps it’s because I was born a Libra with bones begging for balance, but I always struggled to wrap my head around how we could possibly argue such a thing. I was stumped, quietly asking myself: Is it not more accurate to say that both are true? Sure enough, teachers presented facts to back up both sides, but still, it always seemed we were expected to argue for one viewpoint over the other. Everyone wanted to know — “which side are you on?”
The more I watch this world unravelling, the more I come to understand that this taking of sides goes far beyond a high school nature vs. nurture debate. I’m coming to see that we have a huge problem at our hands because of the way we think. We are unconsciously caught up in our systemic way of thinking: entrapped in the habit of polarized thinking, with labels, beliefs, and high grounds that sever our connections rather than strengthening or reestablishing them.
Why? Because it’s easier (and often more comfortable) to stay in a mindset of righteousness than to surrender — and it is our sense of righteousness that pushes people further away. By surrender I don’t mean to absolve another party of wrongdoing or to stop caring about important issues. In using the term surrender, I’m referring to the practice of opening up to our own ego — that is our conditioned beliefs, our habitual way of thinking, and our personal biases — and letting it go. Letting go does not mean we lose our opinions entirely, but it does ask us to let down our walls, be honest about where we are coming from, and find connection rather than separation.
This is what draws people closer. This is a way of being that holds authentic healing potential.
Even when we are standing self-affirmatively on a moral hilltop, our ego is largely at play, and when the ego is largely at play we are less likely to meet the opposing side of an argument in the middle. The opposing side is also less likely to want to meet us on that hill — they’re going to stay firmly rooted on their own.
We tend to then wait for the other side to surrender, to admit wrongdoing, and to see things the way we see them. But this silent (or in many cases, vocal) plea is a pointless battle, and we waste a lot of time waiting for the “others” to see why we’re right. In fact, it is more often than not truer to say that both sides are right — or equally, that both sides are wrong.
Neither side of a battle ever represents the full picture, and this is precisely why we will never authentically succeed with polarized thinking. Sure, we might win a few battles by fighting our way through them, but the system at large will be in no better shape if harmony, understanding, and union have not been achieved.
So, the only way to come together, to authentically bridge our gaps, is to practice falling apart. Once we start to unravel our own biases — that is, our own beliefs, opinions, and tendencies— we begin to see that life is a greyscale. We slowly start to open our hearts to people who see and believe things that appear in opposition to us. Because the truth is: we all want the same things.
By softening our own beliefs — or in other words, by depolarizing — we humanize everyone. Whatever labels or high grounds have traditionally separated us, and have allowed us to feel like we stand taller than others, dissolve.
It’s much more difficult to practice unraveling in the flesh than it is to write, read, or say this because our habitual mode of being would want to show someone else this article. But the truth is this: we have to start with ourselves. We can only be responsible for our own growth, our own process, and our own journey towards balance.
So let your walls down. Let your beliefs, your defences, and your opinions be ravished by wild fire. Watch the way your relationships and the world around you changes when you start to soften — when you begin to observe your own righteousness and call it by its name. Through surrendering, or at least softening, the ego, we start to let others in. We start to let humanity flow right through us, moving us collectively towards unity, one interaction at a time.
