Why I’d Rather Watch Paint Dry Than Go To A Networking Event
When I worked for an insurance company in my old 9–5 days, I had a weird masochistic approach to networking. It’s like I had the memory of a goldfish — I’d enthusiastically volunteer for any and every networking event, then as soon as I arrived I’d remember how much I hate them and I’d spread my time evenly between the coffee table, the hallway, and the toilet…
Breakfast Networking Events — the WORST
I was a BNI member for a while — once a week I’d get up at the crack of dawn to attend a networking breakfast. God, I hated it. It didn’t help that this particular group had a strange secret cult-like vibe, so as I left home every Thursday morning I was convinced I’d never see my family again…
One memory cuts particularly deep — I once climbed back into my car after a particularly torturous event, only to realize I’d had my trousers on inside out all morning. So now the cult, I mean club members, not only assumed I had a severe stomach problem due to the length of my bathroom visits, but they also knew the actual size of my butt!
I’m not sure what it is about networking events that I hate the most, but here are a handful of potentials:
- Having to time your entry so carefully — too early and you risk looking like you camped outside the night before to be sure to be the first one in, but too late and you risk having no option but to sit next to the noisy eater you’ve managed to avoid at the last 3 events.
- Weak, lukewarm coffee.
- The sickening process of sidling up to a group of people who are already chatting animatedly and trying to join in by laughing along despite not having a clue what they’re talking about. (Danger: strong chance you’ll laugh inappropriately and have to spend the next hour hiding in the bathroom.)
- Hiding in the bathroom — this was my go-to once I’d exhausted my pre-prepared small talk.
- Small talk. I’m rubbish at it and I hate it.
- Getting stuck with Michael Mansplainer.
- Getting stuck with Karen.
Yeah, any or all of those.
But mostly, it’s the fact that everyone is joining in the weird charade. The game where we all pretend to be interested in each other’s lives and businesses, when the reality is we just want more clients.
I promise it’s not that I’m not interested in other people — I’m obsessed with building great relationships, but I can’t stand the contrivedness of networking. The forced framework. The disingenuous conversation.
I get it, those who love networking will tell me I’m just approaching it all wrong. Whatever. I hate it, and for my fellow haters, I want you to know there’s another way.
It’s called making friends.
Something we’re good at when we’re young, but lose the knack of as we get older. It happens naturally as we realize we have something in common. It might be a snarky sense of humor (this is often the case for me), or it might be an opinion — something you’re both willing to stand up and stand out about. When you discover you have this common ground with someone, building a natural, un-forced relationship with them is SO much easier.
People who are friends trust each other, like each other, and want to help each other… yep, they refer business to each other and sometimes, hire each other.
You don’t wait for your friends to draw breath so you can dive in and pitch to them — you’re genuinely interested in what they have to say. Whether that’s in person, via Zoom, or on LinkedIn — wherever it feels right for you to have conversations. Personally, I’m not a good DM’er — my friends & family will agree, I’m a rubbish, neglectful texter and that’s because I like to talk. I don’t want a bloody pen pal!
I just don’t want to stand in a room (or sit in a Zoom) full of strangers playing gobshite tennis.
Is that so wrong?!
If you think we could be friends book a call with me and let’s find out. I’m a business coach so if that rules me out of the friendship arena I understand!
Thanks for reading all the way down to here — makes the writing bit all worthwhile.
If you’re looking for a business coach who’s too impatient to coach you properly and therefore cuts straight to telling you what to do, get in touch… you’ll like me.
If you like this you’ll love my Heads Together podcast — it’s like this but with words you can hear.
