I am absolutely aggravated and here’s why; I have never had vision for my life, I am an incredibly driven Capricorn that has no idea where to outlet my overflowing passion, and I now can hear the angelic realm with no explanation as to why. Right now, I fee like an awakening hot mess.
I cringe every time someone asks me, “what do you what to do with your life?” Even their questioning as to what I do in my spare time is enough to experience anger. Funny enough, when I feel the rush of these emotions, I tell the person inquiring with a huge smile on my face, “I’m experiencing anger, and I don’t know why!”
I can’t explain the aggravation I go through on a daily basis. Being an intellectual thinker, even philosophizing the why’s in my everyday life; I can’t seem to find the will to live in my body as my mind is riddled with too much information.
I am tired all the time, I am stressed but not stressed, and the best parts of my personality — the moments where I am living as spirit having a physical experience not the other way around — is only fulfilled when I am out in public or at work. It is in the moments that I am alone where I feel the most at peace and the most energetically sluggish. All I want to do is understand everything while at the same time living, yet my questions lead me in circles of unanswered questions and results in myself laying about in a tizzy.
I didn’t hop on here to write a complaining story, rather, I wanted to share the hypocrisy I feel the spirit world is and just how much it plagues my mind with all it’s non-sense of fall in love, but don’t become attached, have ambitions to want but don’t become addicted to always needing to want. It’s funny but aggravating you see!
Awakening was the best and worse thing to happen to me. I am conscious but I cannot go back to living asleep even if I tried. Now that I have an understanding of the spirit world and that I, along with everyone else, are just souls here to have a physical experience and learn lessons, I have really lost all the motivation of having fun. I try, but then I overthink, and my mind wonders to why did I manifest this person/place/thing, and then I am back in my mind. I can’t help but wonder, how do I bring the physical and spiritual world together in a balanced form? This is where my spiritual work comes in… if only I knew the purpose! That would be helpful…
I know for sure that I am not the only one awakening and just totally unaligned when it comes to living the balanced life. To be frank, it’s a struggle to be mindful of what’s physically and spiritually okay and what is crossing over the healthy boundaries we must establish in order to stay both grounded and spiritual.
Is there not enough action? Am I following the synchronicities too seriously? Am I living off the highs of the coincidental events? Who knows. All I know is that my truth comes out best when I am with other people… even though I was born a tranquil loner and have come to both enjoy and despise this characteristic of mine.
When I went into work yesterday, I was greeted by this fellow worker and it seemed like he had just been having a bad week. (It is Mercury Retrograde, so if someone is down in the dumps already, this transit is ready to get up close and personal with some of you, lol) So I sit down and just say to him, “what’s going on?” That’s all I needed to do.
My job became obvious that I was supposed to create space to just listen. I could have told him where he was right or where he was wrong, I could have told him my story and told him he wasn’t alone, I could’ve told him what to do — I did none of the above. I opened my heart, I listened, and I let him purge what the rest of the world wasn’t allowing him to do. I know what it felt like to have your voice taken away, your power to feel and express diminished in the presence of people who were supposed to love you, so I let him do what he could not do with anyone else. When he was done, I reached for my green aventurine crystal I carried with me at work, I rinsed it in cold water, and I imagined all the love of the Universe and God pouring into this crystal. I was guided to give it to him, and when the thought crossed my mind to ask for it back later, I was told by my guidance, “he needs it.”
I feel most empowered in my life when I am giving power to those who need it or no longer have any themselves. Although I put all this pressure on myself to be perfect and that I need to find what I’m meant to do in order to feel fulfilled, it’s the moments where I do nothing but make space in my heart for someone else, the free things, that is when I feel purpose fulfilled in the most beautifully non-egocentric way.
I still have the power struggle of ego and spirit, but I know everyday is a struggle no matter what when you have to learn to be both spirit and human and a world that is just coming to wake up. What I am most thankful for is my spiritual guidance and the synchronicities that do come even though I over think it, miss them, or even over emphasize their meanings when they do come.
Now I’m just on a tangent, but it’s something I felt compelled to write. I have been guided many times that writing is my path but I have no understanding as to why. I’m frightened that I am not writing these blogs the right way at all, or I’m meant to write something different. Even if that’s the case, until then, I will keep writing because I know there are so many out there most likely going through the exact same game of cat and mouse in their own mind just trying to understand what the hell is happening for them and what does their life mean.
Have you experienced a spiritual conundrum of information? What do you do, or tell yourself, when ego tries to come along and spoil the spiritual fun? Do you overthink? Do you forget to live when you are trying to pursue a spiritual life? Does your spiritual ego tend to take over from time to time? What drives you mad with questions when it comes to the spiritual world? How has your awakening been going? What do you struggle with that seems to be reoccurring in your life? I would love to know.
Please remember that we are just human and not meant to be perfect. There is so much going on in life and especially with the misuse of technology we can begin to overthink that we are possibly doing spirituality wrong. The thing is, we are all on this big journey together but our paths are unique to us. Ask yourself the bigger questions like why did I choose my circumstances? What does my life mean in regards to everything I went through? Who am I supposed to identify with when it comes to struggles and what groups do I tend to gravitate to and for what purpose? I could get more in depth, but question the hell out of everything but let them go, give the questions to the Universe, then get back into your body and just live for God’s sakes!
The Universe wants us to be aware but it wants us to live too. Just keeping being, don’t over think things, and don’t question the why’s or how’s — the Universe always has that part covered.
Stay patient and humble my friends, the answers are always there so long as we are quiet and listening.
Your Friend, Gina ❤