Some notes on etiquette — because your virtual fitness instructor is a person, too!

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Don’t we deserve your undivided attention for just a few minutes? Photo by Lacheev. Licensed from Canva Pro.

Dear Online Fitness Patrons,

It’s us, your ever-present, eternally patient, always available virtual fitness instructors. You’ve been relying heavily on us for the last year, what with it being dangerous to go literally anywhere.


I don’t know about you, but I need a daily break from consciousness to survive parenting right now

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Photo by misuma on Getty Images. Licensed from Canva Pro.

For the last 10 months, I haven’t done a whole helluva lot outside of my home. I haven’t done a whole helluva lot period. Have you? Has anyone? Days are nearly indistinguishable and require consultation with the lock screen of my phone several times each day.

Help! I die

And yet, I’m barely holding my own. Honestly, I am exhausted. From all the intense doing of nothing in particular. I think…


Sure, I’ve got some experience under my belt, but I’m still learning so much as I go along

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Photo by Billion Photos. Licensed from Canva Pro.

Just a few short months ago, I was waxing poetic about My 10-Month Journey from Concept to Launch with My First Children’s Book, basking in the glory of my monumental accomplishment.


I just read my first book in this fascinating genre and I can’t stop thinking about my fantasy reverse harems

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I’m new here. Bear with me. I just Columbused this amazing sub-sub-sub-genre of romance novel and now that I’m here, I am here for it.

What’s a reverse harem?

We all know what a harem is, right? It can be anything from a sacred private space for the women of a Muslim family to a group of women dedicated to, married to, owned by one man — large-scale polygamy.


Don’t fall victim to the cleaning industrial complex — you’re better off blissfully living your life in filth

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Photo by stock_colors. Licensed from Canva Pro.

We didn’t know how good we had it wallowing around in piles of clutter, avoiding clouds of dust bunnies, and stepping around mysterious sticky patches here and there.

It all started when…

It’s true that things had gotten out of hand, but what can you do? It was pure, unadulterated 2020 around here. Still, something had to give. The pressure to clean was building more and more, until it was too much for me or my spouse to tolerate anymore.


This is the story of a toddler who loved the books she destroyed and destroyed the books she loved

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Not an actual picture of my daughter, but this kid looks almost as innocent. Photo by Kolinko_Tanya. Licensed from Canva Pro.

As reported in the recent story, “Here’s What I Learned When I Interviewed My Toddler,” my 26-month-old daughter is a bit laconic. She prefers to communicate with one syllable phrases, emphatic gestures, and sound effects — usually squeals and screeches. Still, she generally gets her point across remarkably well.


Parents — don’t despair! Virtual learning is teaching your kids lessons they won’t learn anywhere else

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Photo by Graphicnoi. Licensed from Canva Pro.

Is virtual learning ideal? No. Obviously, it is not.

Three weeks in & it’s not all bad!

Now that we are three weeks in, I am realizing it’s not all bad. In fact, there is a lot of potential for a different, but also valuable kind of learning to happen this year.


Humor

Sure, online school is a vast hellscape of daily horrors, but here are the secrets to your child’s cyber survival (and yours)

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Photo by Sunny Studio. Licensed from Canva Pro.

“Let’s do online school! Kids love Zoom meetings!” Said no one, ever. Not even in their wildest, highest, most hallucinatory fever-dreams.


It’s all about staying relevant — My son’s obsession with the Smurfs got me thinking about a few new ones we need in 2020

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Image created by Gina Gallois using Canva Pro

For lack of playdates and normal kid things to do, my seven-year-old son has decided to impersonate a different Smurf each day — for 104 days. That’s how many Smurfs there are, according to his research.

22 New Smurfs we need in 2020

  • Essential Worker Smurf: Thank Smurf for these brave and selfless Smurfs! Where would the rest of the Smurfs be without them? Some have no other options, some volunteer in spite of the danger. They are all amazing.
  • SAHP Smurf: Who isn’t a Stay-At-Home-Parent these…


Parents have noticed these new, eccentric behaviors since the pandemic began

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Photo by Damedeeso. Licensed from Canva Pro.

We’ve all worried about the impact of longterm social/physical distancing on our children’s psychological and social development. How could we not? Our world has been turned upside down — worse — it’s stayed that way for a lot longer than we ever imagined.

You know your kids are getting weirder when…

Gina Gallois

Children’s book author, possum propagandist, feminist pirate, over-thinker, lover of audiobooks. She/her. Learn more & buy my books: bit.ly/ginagalloisauthor

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