How vent impersonally and protect friends
It’s 3.20am. SEA. This is my life, this is my job. I move from place to place in SEA. My job is to influence ideas and provoke change within my industry. Im listening to my friends talk about Medium, how it’s opened up expression within this ideologically suffocated area of the world. How one can express a feeling or read about others without judgment. I never quite understood that, the idea of communicating anonymously with people to either vent your daemons or promote a book or tell the world what a horrible place it is. I figured it would be completely non cathartic. I’m an open person, i have no problem telling people about my relationship, or my job in either a positive or negative light. Sometimes i feel guilty about that. That maybe I don’t consider what the poor person that is listening to me might have going on in their life. Also feeling guilty that i bad mouth my (in all reality) amazing job. I complain about the free travel and the free food and bev. I complain about the pay, the necessity to always be in a good mood. I toss and turn inside my mind as weather these are legitimate complaints or my insecurities embedding themselves, projecting my feelings of lack of fulfillment. Not personal, but unfulfilled ideals of what i owe to the community i serve. Am i doing my best or am i doing the best that serves me the best. Do i appreciate what i have or do i squander it. I get paid well. I have minus 3 dollars in my account. Im not a drug addict. I may be an alcoholic. But my company credit card takes care of that habit. Ive been told by partners that im too generous. the same partners who were happy to not have jobs whilst i did what i could to look after them. is that them protecting me or protecting their intrests. i feel like its them protecting me, because i promised i would support and look after them, and who am i to judge them for taking me at my word. I have so much more to write. i have so much more to get out of my system, but for today i feel relaxed. thank you to my friend who put me on to this. its actually helped a lot.