Opening personal finance conversations with your family.
Talking with those closest to you about money helps you and helps them.
I have had several life events over the past 18 months that have made me painfully aware of my personal finances and the finances of people I love. Luckily all of us were in good shape and, for the most part, had the right pieces in place. As I talk to others I realize many people don’t have frequent family conversations about money; it’s an unpleasant topic. It is essential to know what is going on so that you can guide someone when they need help and vice versa.
Know general financial information of those you love.
Dementia Today published an article about understanding the finances of your parents. I suggest knowing this information for your whole family. Among other things, they recommend you know essential topics like:
- who has durable power of attorney (and creating one if you don’t have it),
- what monthly expenses are and
- where assets are.
Everything on this list is essential, and I bet most people don’t know all 10 things for each family member. You may not need to know exactly how much money is in the bank, but you do need to know what bank it is in.
Talk about what’s next.
Involve your family members in planning what’s next. Most people want to leave parts of their lives as a legacy to the people they love. But we also need to remember that we have assets so we can use them to care for ourselves. When it comes time to use those assets, what do you recommend they use first? Who would you recommend your family speak with to get things going?
Organize yourself.
John Romano and Evan Carroll wrote Your Digital Afterlife to help you plan what you want to happen with your digital assets after you are gone. Digital assets run the gamut from your Facebook account to your online banking account to your email to just about everything else in your life. This book is a tremendous help in getting organized. Get your shit together and then help your family members — it will save you time in the long run.
Reframe the conversation.
Planning for the last years of our lives is difficult and unpleasant and people don’t want to talk about it with others. It’s just a drag. Try reframing the conversation so that it is more about what you want to accomplish in life and less about what happens when you are incapacitated or gone. It is so much easier to open the conversation when you start by dreaming. Pursuing dreams is an important part of life. I would not have been able to take time to pursue my dreams if I didn’t have the support of my family. If you are having a hard time determining what you want out of life I recommend Mondo Beyondo, an online course about dreaming.
Have an annual meeting with your family.
When I was getting married, a friend gave me this advice and it is probably the best advice anyone has ever given me. On a yearly basis, it is important to talk to those you love about goals, dreams, finances and where life is headed. It is so easy to get caught up in the day-to-day that you lose track of the long-term and what you really want out of life.
I’m not sure what will work for you, but find something and start having conversations with your family. It is worth it. No matter how much you prepare your loved ones for your incapacity or death, there will be things that are not covered and you want to help them by eliminating the stress and burden as much as possible.
I think about personal responsibility and caregiving a lot, so if you have any questions or are looking for resources that are not included in this article, send me a note; I’d love to hear from you.
Thanks for reading and conversing. I write about culture, designing for disabilities, business, science and health and the intersection of all of these things. Explore more on Medium and my website or contact me.
