October 2023
Oct 2 Monday
Matilda to Maksym: “Do you dance?” That’s the first English I’ve heard her speak, and the first conversation I’ve witnessed between Spanish and Ukrainian speakers in 4th period. Homecoming is bringing us together.
Oct 3 Tuesday
Dayner wants to know why his profile and photo, which he just submitted 10 seconds ago, are not up on the wall with everyone else’s. As much as I wish Dayner would calm down, I do know it’s a victory when kids want to share about themselves and read about each other. More than lunchtime entertainment, this wall of photos and bios represents the relationships formed here at school that keep kids coming back, even when it’s hard. Even when they’re tired. I think about Jesus over at SCORE, the special program for students who can’t attend school regularly to complete their high school credits online. He can’t manage to make contact with any of the teachers there or work on his online classes even though he only has 4 credits to go. When he transferred over there, he lost access to the friends and adults here. This lets me know that any attempt to let students have flexible scheduling and work online must also preserve their access to the relationships they build here.
Oct 4 Wednesday
Welcome to Deep Questions with Second Period. Gail and I are trying to get the students to think about major themes from our upcoming unit by having groups consider some thought-provoking questions:
Q: Is a name an important part of one’s identity?
A: Yes — because if you get in an accident, how will your family be notified?
Q: Is it possible to grow up too fast?
A: Yes — it’s called gigantism.
Oct 5 Thursday
“Hi, Miss!” Zahra waves me over and shows me a message she’s translated from Dari on her computer: “I think my ass is written on the roof of my ass.” Ok…
Oct 6 Friday
I see Maksym holding up his computer screen to Matilda and I’m curious about what he’s written to her. Is it about homecoming? Or maybe ass roofs? Turns out he’s clueing her in on what she should be doing right now in class. She didn’t follow the little verbal detour I took just now to explain the difference between Mr. and Mrs.
I didn’t notice she was lost but Maksym did. What’s that? Yep, community.
Oct 10 Tuesday
For about a month Isabel wouldn’t tell us why she wasn’t wearing her glasses. Then she finally explained that the frames were uncomfortable on her ears. I was a little baffled that this information was so hard to get out of her, because I recall interpreting several times questions about how they fit when we picked up the glasses, and instructions to return if they caused discomfort and needed adjustment.
But they’re fixed now. We’re driving back to school before the end of first period and I’m humming a song that always gets stuck in my head when I’m with Isabel because it has her name in it (Her real name, that is). I ask whether she’s heard the song. She hasn’t, so I play it on my phone. She seems to like it.
Entering the school building, I ask her how things are going. How’s work? She works at a restaurant Wednesday through Sunday 4:00 pm — midnight. (Yes, that’s a full 40-hour work week and not unusual.) How are her sponsors, her aunt and uncle? Aunt has heart problems and Uncle’s on dialysis. That’s not good — If they’re unable to work like they did before, then they probably can’t support Isabel the way she and her family expected when she went to live with them. I want to get a feel for whether graduating is a current goal for Isabel, so I start to ask about her school experience in Guatemala. She tells me she liked school, but she had to cross a mountain every day to get there and stopped going after she was attacked. A gang stopped her as she crossed the mountain coming home one day, and one of them raped her. She never knew his identity. The assault resulted in a pregnancy. The family discussed her options but ultimately she decided to keep the pregnancy and gave birth to a boy. She was 14. She presents this information in a very calm and straightforward manner. I’m no expert in psychology, but I get the sense this trauma has not been processed. There’s a numbness that is probably a vital part of survival. I wonder whether at any point in her life Isabel will have the luxury to reflect and try to heal. How should I react right now in a way that follows her lead on reserved emotional expression yet validates the seriousness of this disclosure? I ask to hug her and whether she wants coffee. Yes to both. Her head barely reaches my shoulder when I put my arms around her. I don’t want to send her back to first period so we sit in my empty classroom sipping from mugs. She says she wants to stay in school but doesn’t know whether she should — It will take three more years, which feels like an eternity for her. She asks whether the gym class on her schedule for next semester is required. (It is.) I’m impressed she had the wherewithal to even look at her second semester schedule. Any thought of the future when one is in survival mode is a miracle. I don’t make her any promises but say we’re looking into a way to help students complete their credits faster.
Oct 11 Wednesday
A table of students from Venezuela, Syria, and Saudi Arabia entertain themselves in English class by referring to highlighters by fruit names instead of their color. The class is highlighting vocabulary words in their packets as I go over definitions. Except, of course, for squirrel friend Dante who has yet to find his seat. As Dante wanders by her desk, Fatima holds up a yellow highlighter and casually asks, “Do you want a banana?” “No thank you,” says Dante and keeps walking, but his head remains turned toward her, eyes wide. And that’s how the randomest guy in class got out-randomed by Fatima.
Oct 12 Thursday
“I can’t open the link!” Students have been instructed to open the online version of the paper they have on their desks, and read the linked article. They are to respond to questions on the paper version. I walk over to help Edinilson locate the assignment on his laptop only to find him pressing his finger against the link printed on the sheet of paper in front of him. I play along: “I dunno what’s wrong. Try pressing harder.” He lifts his finger and presses it firmly to the paper again, then looks up with sad eyes. “It’s not working.” He is not even close to cracking a smile, but I am. Then he does too. And that’s how Ms. Clayton got out-randomed today.
Oct 13 Friday
Estefany submitted a 100-word memoir today that could have been written by a 40-year-old. She remembers a carefree afternoon in the kitchen when her mom told her to enjoy being a child, and now that she’s grown up (at 16) with a child of her own, she knows her mother was right and wishes to return to that time. This girl was robbed of her childhood from every angle I can see. But she is trying to keep a firm grip on her future. Between working and her son’s illnesses, she’s often absent from school, but she’s bright and diligent enough to turn in make-up work. She asks today about taking an extra class at lunch to graduate sooner.
Oct 16 Monday
Say what you will about teaching, at least it’s not a sedentary career. I’m smirking while I listen to advice from TED about taking 5-minute walking breaks every 30 minutes to stave off high blood sugar and other deleterious effects of sitting. I may be running around like a chicken with my head cut off with little to show for it at the end of the day, but by god I am moving.
Oct 17 Tuesday
A student observer from NC State is teaching a ‘micro lesson’ today in my 4th period. Her professor wants her to submit a video of herself teaching, so I’m recording on her phone. She has a well-planned vocabulary lesson, but when she reaches the part where she asks for volunteers to answer questions, the students are not quite sure what she wants. This is typical for ESL — it takes a lot of explaining, modeling, and wait time to get oral answers out of a group. Silence is pretty normal, but the first time you experience this silence as a teacher can be nerve-wracking. I think the students can tell she’s nervous and doing her best, and maybe they can relate to feeling a little bit like a fish out of water. At any rate they start trying really hard to participate which warms my heart. Each student who raises their hand, whether or not their answer makes any sense at all, looks over at me afterward like, “Did you see? I helped, right?” and I give them a silent thumbs up from behind the phone.
Oct 18 Wednesday
Today Isabel and Noelia ask whether they can leave school once they turn 18. The truth is education is compulsory only until age 16. I share that information but implore them to finish the semester, which is nearly halfway over, and leave any big decisions for January. I’ve had this conversation so many times I could cry. We really need to step on the gas with some kind of hybrid online/in-person option to let these kids accelerate through their graduation credit requirements, or obtain credits independently when they can’t come to school regularly.
Isabel tells me she’s basically staying in school because she doesn’t want her uncle to get in trouble if she drops out. She also says her uncle’s lawyer charges $1,500 a month (What?!) so she doesn’t know if she can afford one. I give her the USCRI phone number to text (in Spanish) and set up a consultation (also in Spanish). I don’t know whether they can help her, but they won’t fleece her.
Oct 19 Thursday
A silver lining of being sick and not sleeping well is a chance to reup my humility — I might endure a couple days a month of this brain fog, but so many students are tired almost every day. It reminds me how difficult their normal is.
Oct 20 Friday
Matilda: “Miss! Why is this question asking about my pants?” She’s filling out her online forms to be eligible for sports tryouts. The forms are in Spanish, but the translations are not perfect. Based on context I can see the form is requesting her zip code as part of her street address. But the English form just says “zip”, which is translated on the Spanish version as “zipper”, like the fly of your pants.
Oct 23 Monday
For just the second time this entire school year, we have 100% attendance in fourth period. I jump and cheer in front of the class. They think I’m crazy. Have I mentioned the need for an online component to our school? That way maybe students can still get work done and advance in their classes even when they’re not on campus. Which is often.
Oct 24 Tuesday
Oh my god this kid can literally not read a single word in his first language! I’ve seen a lot but this blows my mind. We have plenty of kids around here who only went to 4th grade in Guatemala, which is how far we’re told Norberto got. But I never had to contemplate the enormous gulf between reading far below grade level and not reading at all.
He acts like the predictive text feature on my phone. When we read together, he just blurts out whatever he thinks the next word might be and hopes for the best. The paragraph we read together in Spanish is about ancient Athens, where males had to spend two years in the army. As soon as I say, “two years,” Norberto says, “later” in an attempt to complete the phrase and make me think he’s reading.
On the Spanish spelling assessment I give him of first-grade level words, the results melt my brain all over again. The picture below shows the five responses he gave, and the text is the word I read out. I am so confused by what he writes that after his first response I pause and point to it. I ask him what it says. He assures me that those three words say, “noche.” Just… Whhhaaaaat?!
My priority is to not make him feel bad, so I’m projecting calm while freaking out on the inside. I ask whether any of his teachers in Guatemala ever commented on his reading level or did anything that helped him. He says no, that they just had him copy pages from books, and when he was done copying he went home. He and his sister (who is his sponsor) say he came here for a better education. I tell him we’re so glad he’s here, these difficulties are not his fault, and we’ll find a way to help him… And I hope I’m not lying on that last one.
Oct 25 Wednesday
Today I go a little nutty and wax all passionate about how authors reveal theme in literature through devices like symbolism. “That’s the real way an author communicates with us!” I tell the class, excited. “Sometimes an idea is too big to just say with regular words.” Here’s the crazy part- The class was excited too. That’s right! I sparked curiosity and wonder, for, like, a minute! My job is often such a slog I almost forgot that excitement could be part of it.
Oct 26 Thursday
Why did Isabel answer Yes when I asked whether she’d texted the number I gave her for the lawyer? She said she’d texted but they hadn’t responded yet. Surprised that they wouldn’t reply, I asked to see the message she wrote. Maybe they didn’t understand she was asking for an appointment. Isabel pulls up her texts. Nothing. Then she pulls up her Whatsapp messages. No communication with that number. She had told me Yes even though she had not texted them. Why did she do that? She had every motivation to text them- It was she who brought up needing a lawyer last week. They speak Spanish. I feel confused and helpless. I’m already stressed about the next really important thing she’ll need and I’ll never know because she’ll never tell me even if I manage to ask the right question. I could easily have never checked in with her about this, what with the volume of issues that come up every moment of every day. Isabel’s a quiet kid. Why does her future potentially hinge on the small chance of my head staying screwed on well enough to remember our conversation from last week and finding a moment to pull her aside to badger her? This is not right. But let’s stay focused on now. I ask her to text them while I watch. I tell her what to write, and they respond quickly.
I’m seeing a pattern here: Not telling us she needed glasses, not telling us the glasses were uncomfortable, and not asking for help to craft this text. And this pattern is not exclusive to Isabel. These barriers are a big deal, but I don’t know exactly what causes them or how to predict them. Just in case I haven’t said it enough times, I’ll repeat: These are not kids whom we can expect (yet) to manage their own online learning and reach out when they need help. Isabel and her peers still need teachers at school to do most of the reaching. More than reaching, really. Prodding.
Oct 27 Friday
Deep breaths, Clayton. We’ve been doing vocabulary packets for six weeks. The last page of the packet is always a blank space to write original sentences using the week’s words. Eugenia does not know what to do. When I explain, she asks, “Which words?” Um… The words we made flashcards for! The words we discuss in every vocabulary activity! The words from the online review game we just played! What do you mean ‘which words?!’ I don’t say that. I say, “The words on the first page of this packet.” She turns to the first page and waves her hand over it. “Any of these words?” She means all the text on the page. She cannot distinguish between the highlighted, bold vocabulary words and the definitions and example sentences that follow each. Just like Dante, who looked at the textbook glossary last month and couldn’t distinguish the terms from the definitions. I’m floored that she is unable to grasp this text structure, even after six weeks of the exact same packet format. Yes she experienced interrupted education in El Salvador, but this is not her first year in US schools. She arrived in 2021 and completed all of 8th grade before coming to Cary High. Deep breaths.
Oct 30 Monday
Today brought a disappointing development in testing out a program that could help students earn credits faster. It’s the same program Jesus is supposed to be using at the alternative online school. So our reasoning is, if we teach our English Learner students how to use Edgenuity and support their first couple online classes, maybe they’ll gain independence with the program and be able to accelerate. Our long-term goal is for students to complete entire courses independently online. A selling point for Wake County when they bought Edgenuity was that it was available in multiple languages. But the translation here leaves much to be desired. On this screen from an Earth Science unit about groundwater, the word “spring” (as in water coming out of the ground) is translated in one place as spring the season, and in another place as “coil” like a mattress spring. Nowhere is it correctly translated, which led to much student confusion on this quiz question. Come on Edgenuity! I’m sure for what you’re charging for this program you could have hired someone to read through this stuff!
Oct 31 Tuesday
I volunteer a couple times a month as a medical interpreter at a clinic for uninsured patients. Today I overheard some providers conferring about treatment for patients with high blood pressure. One doctor shared that a patient of hers had struggled for years with high blood pressure for that didn’t respond to any treatment. Then the patient suddenly got better. The only thing that had changed? His sleep schedule. He went from working third shift to second shift, so he was getting more sleep. This is a reminder of the brutal physical toll that sleep deprivation is taking on our students. Inez for example — She works in a restaurant every evening until 10:00 pm. Three days a week she leaves from that job to work with a cleaning crew until 3:00 am. She works the first, second, and third shifts.
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