Confessions of a 26-Year-Old Virgin

Ginny Kang
Nov 3 · 4 min read
Credit: @hpscenespacks IG

I had a pretty conservative upbringing. I was so protected that my high school friends called me “sheltered”. They weren’t wrong. I was never allowed to go to parties without a proper chaperone present. I didn’t start drinking until I turned 21. I didn’t have my first edible until this year. The first time I sexted someone, it was because I was going through my rebellious phase (luckily, I was surprisingly smart enough to leave my face out).

Most people lose their virginities in high school, and don’t get me wrong, I’ve had opportunities with my high school sweetheart. Problem is, he was Mormon, so there wasn’t much to do.

Fast forward to this moment. 26 years old. Still a virgin. Still trying to find Mr. Right. Mormon sweetheart married, but had lost his virginity way before that. (So if religion wasn’t a factor, what was I, just practice?) I used to tell people I was saving myself for marriage, not for religious reasons; I didn’t want to regret my first time, since you only get one.

Eventually, I realized that nowadays, even if people say they “know” it was right to tie the knot, that doesn’t mean anything anymore. I’ve seen what true love is. It’s not a fairytale ending, but I’ve seen, through my parents’ marriage, what my dream relationship should look like.

I still hold out for Mr. Right. In fact, it’s all I can think about even though I haven’t done anything to make it happen. I don’t go out, because it’s hard enough to try and find friends in a new city. I’ve been in CA for almost five years now, and all my brief friendships seemed more like platonic flings. My one true best friend from before I moved out here, who used to be my “Forever Alone” sister is now engaged, which I’m still truly happy about, but it’s like everyone is moving on without me.

When you’re lonely, and you want to start dating again, you turn to OkCupid and Tinder. Tried that. Had lots of guys just looking to have fun, nothing serious. I’m into the blond, athletic type. Turns out they’re not into the type of person I am, and I know their perception of me: the awkward Asian girl in school with glasses and a little pudge. You know what Neville Longbottoming is? I’m still at the “before” phase of the transformation. Glasses, no makeup, flabby stomach. THIS IS WHAT A REAL WOMAN LOOKS LIKE!!! Excuse me if I’d rather not spend my money on becoming YOUR perception of beauty.

Anyway, here’s a funny story: I tried an experiment. In my OkCupid bio, I mentioned that I was a virgin. Ok, so it was less about experimenting and more because I wanted all the male fishes out there to know that I’m not into hooking up. I realized how much pressure it would put on them, but if I had any biters, they would be worth looking into, because they can see past the lack of experience.

I had less likers, of course, but I came upon this epiphany that, to some guys, virginity is what they’re looking for. I wouldn’t know how small it has to be in order for it to be humiliating. “Longbottom” line is the experienced don’t want to waste time teaching someone else when they’re going to move onto the next person anyway. That’s an inevitable fallout of hookup culture.

So I just quit dating apps altogether, because most of the time, they ghost you anyway, so why put my anxiety through that?

I don’t understand how sex is such a normal part of adult life now. Sex with strangers, sex with significant others, sex for money… You see shows like Friends and think, “That’ll be me when I’m their age.” Well, guess what! My body is in Season 1 and Monica hooked up with Paul the Wine Guy in the pilot.

I’m not a horny person; I’m just done waiting, yet I still care about who my first time will be with. And I think that’s why I haven’t offed myself yet…

About a week ago, I came up with this idea that even if you can’t find a reason to keep going, that you make one up, even if it sounds ridiculous, like “you’re a unicorn princess who wastes away in your magical forest”, because at least it’s something to hold onto. I guess that’s mine:

…For once, I want to experience actual sex.

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