Yellow Minions of Nothing

Don’t hate me internet but… I went to see the Minions movie.

And it’s…. ok??? I guess???

1qI mean, it does what it does and understand the characters better than everything, but hell I’m bothered with this movie.

And, again, it’s not because it’s “bad”… but… because… ehhh…

It’s empty.

As it, there’s nothing to talk about it.

And that surprise me because, even the worst movies I have even seen in my life have some kind of message, even if it’s the worst message ever, or the worst delivery or the message, or both, or at least an exploration or something.

Here’s nothing. Nothing. NOTHING.

And it’s 1 and a half hours long, but has the nutritional value of a bag of popcorn. And probably the bag of popcorn would be offended if I say something like that.

Illumination Entertainment’s expertise is create this kind of movies which those are first silly and wacky, but they are starting to get a bit… mmm… Dreamworkyyyy????

I’m saying that in a way of that deep, deep, deeeeeeeeeppppp first dark moment in Dreamwork history in which all their movie were walking machines of references. That thing we all loved in Shrek and for some reason they decided it was the ONLY reason we loved Shrek (Because, feeling smart by pointing out what everybody was thinking about fairytales movies and then just do the same cliched fairytale movie, but we forget them because it was “with a twist” and “ironically”? No, that cannot be! People do not like to feel smart). Illumination Entertainment seems to be having some sort of the same problem.

“Everybody” liked the Minions in Despicable Me because they were funny, but also because they served a purpose, which was to reflect on what’s Gru was thinking. Since the Minions will follow him everywhere and been super loyal, their attitude is a way to show us what Gru actually feels, instead of what he thinks. Now, I have no clue if this is a good storytelling device, but at least is a storytelling device.

But, then, they came with the problem about doing a movie about those “things” that “reflects” but really “do not have” they decide to do it about… nothing…

I’m not saying that the Despicable Me movies are super deep, I’m just saying that there’s at least substance in there. But, since the “wacky” part of the Minions is the most remembered part of the movies, they decided to start doing movies with “wacky” as their symbol and trying to not get in the middle.

I laugh at the references because those things were actually somewhat creative (While I don’t know how many people in my country will know why one of the minions was playing polo inside the Buckingham Palace with corgis…) and at least the things they teased was all used at the end, but “effective” is pretty much everything I can say about this movie. Like, you did your job. Great guys!

I feel that Minions is like the coup of “wacky” as an style, which started to show as early as The Lorax which is an adaptation from a short story which is incredibly nuanced, and ambiguous and you know, believe that you are smart. And they screw that thing up!

But, the worst part is the fact that I like to go at my movies and have something to think about during the week, and most movies do that, even if they are bad.

Not here. There’s nothing.

I’m not going to say that I didn’t like it, but it was basically about, at least for me, fulfilling my basic urges for laugh. Meaning this movie is the Comedy equivalent of Porn. It’s “Comedy Porn” if you will.

So, this is a movie which is not only at the same time too long and too short, but also been nothing but at the same time have used 1 and a half hours of my life.

And that’s annoy me to no end…

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