The Sexiest Mistakes. Ten Ways to Set Yourself up for Failure
We can all reflect upon times when we set ourselves up for success and times when we said, “I knew I should have done something different.” Set yourself up for failure. Sounds weird, right? How can you set yourself up to fail if you want to succeed? You may wonder how anyone could do that. Simply put, it’s quite easy to set yourself up for failure, and here are a few ways that I’ve seen in my younger years.
1. Stop Showing Up
If you want to succeed, show up, babe. Even though you don’t feel like it, put in the effort. Even when you’re tired, angry, scared, bored, or any other emotions that might vie for your attention instead of your goals.
You must show up and work. You’ve got to make it happen for yourself because no one else will do it for you — not your parents, partner, friends, and certainly not me! But if you stop showing up? Then nothing will ever get done.
2. Avoid Risks & Comfort Zones
You can only get what you want through risk. If you don’t take chances, you’ll never know what could have been. But sometimes, we’re just so scared that we avoid risk altogether and stay in our comfort zones — which are actually pretty boring! How can your life be exciting if you’re never willing to try new things? Bondage, anyone?
To succeed at anything, you need to step outside your comfort zone and embrace risk. That doesn’t mean jumping off a cliff, although that is an option! It just means taking small steps towards bigger goals. Like saying yes when everyone else says no, or trying something new, even though it makes your stomach flip-flop with fear.
3. Be Passive
Pillow princesses don’t count. The thing about being passive? It’s not just a mistake, it’s a weirdly common mistake. It’s like we all have some kind of collective blind spot for being passive in the workplace, and we keep doing it repeatedly. Being passive means:
- Passive people don’t decide on their own. They wait for someone else to tell them what they should do.
- Passive people don’t take the initiative — they wait for things to happen instead of making them happen.
- Passive people allow others to walk all over them or assume responsibility for things that were never theirs to begin with.
And guess what? It doesn’t work! You know why? Because if you want people to respect you and take your ideas seriously, you need to be the one taking action. You need to be proactive for others to treat you like an equal at work (and everywhere else).
4. Embrace Entitlement
Entitlement is a term that gets thrown around a lot. Sometimes, it’s used to describe someone who feels like they deserve something just because they want it. Other times, it’s used to describe people who feel their actions are justified and thus don’t have to be punished.
The idea of entitlement is about feeling like you deserve something just by existing. In reality, you deserve nothing until you’ve earned it, hon.
Work for it if you want to succeed. Things will go wrong for you if you believe the world owes you. This is not unfair. You did not create the world and thus do not control it.
“We live in the age of entitlement, as opposed to enlightenment.” — Bill Bailey
5. Surround Yourself With the Wrong People
Sometimes people can be ̶a̶ ̶m̶a̶j̶o̶r̶ ̶p̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶a̶s̶s̶ the source of stress.
Sometimes the surrounding people are just wrong for you. And that’s okay!
These are people who constantly bring you down, are always negative and full of complaints, and don’t believe in your dreams or goals. Surrounding yourself with these folks will only cause you to fail, so it’s important to make sure you’re not doing it. The time you spend with them will be wasted and could have a negative impact on your progress.
Instead, surround yourself with people who are working towards similar goals, even if those goals aren’t exactly the same as yours. You’ll bounce ideas off each other and gain new perspectives on how to get where you want to go.
6. Quit Before You Start
The worst part about this? It’s not just a bad idea; it’s a miserable one. And yet we all do it. We commit to something that will be hard but feel like we have to do it anyway, and then we quit before we even begin.
It’s like the first time you try yoga, then decide that meditation isn’t for you because you can’t sit still for five minutes. I have a great deal of experience with this topic. I’ve been doing it for five minutes for a very long time.
Quitting before you start is probably the worst thing you can do to yourself. We all need goals because they give us direction and purpose in life. But committing yourself to something and backing out before you’ve even started is like buying a map of your dream vacation destination without ever leaving home. Or booking flights before you’ve even decided where on earth you’re going! It wastes time, energy, and money — and worse yet? It sets up a terrible pattern.
7. Rely on Excuses
We all make mistakes.
“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” — Alexander Pope
We make a lot of mistakes. Repeatedly. They’re so easy to fall into and so hard to get out of. It isn’t just the mistake that gets you, it’s the excuse.
Excuses are a trap. They’re a way to avoid taking responsibility for your actions and blame someone else for your problems. They’re an easy way out. And they’ll be just that: an easy way out.
What if there was another way? What if you could take that simple route and still feel good about yourself? Sound impossible? It doesn’t have to be! There are many better ways to operate!
- Don’t make excuses for yourself
- Don’t make excuses for other people
- Don’t let yourself get away with anything
- Don’t let anyone get away with anything (especially that cute Starbucks barista)
- Be accountable no matter what the circumstances are
- Take responsibility, even if it isn’t your fault (but especially if it is!)
- Don’t use “it’s not my fault” as an excuse for why something isn’t working out the way you want it to (because the chances are good that it IS your fault!)
8. Make Fear Your Pilot
Fear is a powerful thing. It can make you feel you’re on top of the world or send you crashing back down to earth.
When you’re afraid, your brain tells you that there’s something that could hurt you. While that’s true sometimes, like when you’re walking down a dark street alone late at night. It’s not true in many others.
Fear is at its strongest when we don’t have control over what could happen next. Most of the time, we do have control. We just don’t realize it!
So how do we overcome fear? By taking control of our thoughts, instead of letting them control us.
9. Ignore Your Inner Guide
̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶l̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶s̶e̶x̶i̶n̶e̶s̶s̶?̶ ̶I̶g̶n̶o̶r̶e̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶v̶o̶i̶c̶e̶ ̶t̶e̶l̶l̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶̶ a̶n̶d̶ ̶l̶i̶s̶t̶e̶n̶ ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶e̶.̶
If you’re someone who’s always ignored your inner guide, this is for you.
We’ve all had that feeling where we’re not sure about something, but we keep going with it, anyway. Then we find ourselves in a situation that makes us wonder “what the hell we were thinking.”
You know how they say you should listen to your gut? Well, they’re damn right!
When you’re ignoring what your gut is telling you, you’re setting yourself up for failure. If something in your life doesn’t feel right or isn’t working out, don’t ignore it. Take a moment to consider whether it’s worth pursuing. If it is, great! But if not, find another way forward.
10. Always Agree With Them
You’re better than this, babe. You can do better than this. And no, I’m not talking about the girl or guy you’re dating. I’m talking about yourself.
If you’re in a relationship with someone constantly trying to convince you that their way is the best, you may have to work extra hard to make sure they don’t get their way.
It’s natural to want to be agreeable. But if your friend or partner isn’t interested in listening to your perspective, then it’s time to stop being agreeable.
You can still be respectful and understanding, but when it comes down to deciding together, you need to stand up for yourself. Otherwise, that’s going to hurt your confidence and self-esteem in the long run.
If you’re always agreeing with them and letting them win every argument, then you’ve set yourself up for failure. Because one day, they’ll realize how easy it is for them to get their way all the time, and they’ll start taking advantage of that fact.
So What’s the Takeaway?
Next time you feel you are going to fail, think again. Some people are hit hard in the face, while others have a softer landing. Everyone fails. That is how we learn. It is how we grow.
The difference between failure and success is another chance to try again. It is trying again that makes us who we are. When you’re aiming for success, it’s important to know what not to do.
If you’re not careful, there are certain habits and behaviors that can set you up for failure. And I’ve got the list of them right here, babe. So look at these ten ways to set yourself up for failure and make sure you avoid them at all costs!
