The spark I needed to lose 150 pounds and the most unexpected lesson I got from it

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I think, in this world of certifications and pieces of paper, it is mandatory to keep it clear from the beginning. You know the usual disclosure: I am not a doctor, a nutritionist, a psychologist and so on. So let me say it here. Even if I would like, I am none of these. Maybe one day. Who knows.

This is just the introduction to my personal experience that I decided to share through my (very bad) English. I apologize for this and hope that the medium is, at least, able to spread the message. Other articles will come where I will try to address all the obstacles I have found on my journey, how I have tried to overcome them and what they have taught me.

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If you are struggling with your excessive weight I hope the following can be useful to you.

Does the rest of the world knows what living as an obese teenager means? In case not, they could just have a look at all the advertisements in the streets. Open a newspaper. Do you see? Yea, right there, those happy faces in bikini, laid down, almost naked, on white Caribbean beaches.

Since babies we are constantly bombarded with such an idolization of beauty. I do not want to be “the moralist”, but do you really expect people’s subconscious not being affected by all these? We want kids to be welcoming to anybody but then we expose them to human shapes resembling the healthiest ancient Greeks. How can they ever be able to distinguish colors when all that they see is black and white? When their mates are expected to be either Barbie or Ken where do we fit in?

It is a parents’ duty to teach their children how differences are the strong basis of a community. Suddenly, sometimes they are even more biased than their sons.

What do you expect people’s subconscious to be then?

Ok, now you think I am depressed. I am not. I was actually forced to go to three different psychologists. All of them said I should consider serious medication. One was trying to convince me about the seriousness of my troubles. How do I tell him that my hyperactivity, directness of speech and desire to crash systems are all parts of my soul and that my mind is fine?

Don’t you think an isolated fatty kid is able to build a character trough all his struggle?

Isolation became a gift to me. It made me devour books while others were playing, it opened my eyes and cleared my thoughts.

I am not depressed, it is just that some people act mean. Look. I said they “act” not that they “are”, I do not even think there is something as a being, but that is the scope of other writings. The “Ehi Lardass” that were part of my life are uncountable. You know. I am depressed, they say. Why is there such a tendency to cure the symptoms and not the cause?

People are busy: no one is going to save you except yourself!

Do you think other human beings (of any age) care about you crying in front of the mirror before bedtime praying some god somewhere to make you wake up without all that garbage on your body? I did. I prayed. The morning after I was still sweat with all my fat. Nothing happened. People will still have their lives. It is just you. Alone in your room looking at the bed sheets. I know you cried too.

It is carrying all that fat that taught me to be a nihilist. At the end of the game, no one is coming to save you. You have to do it by yourself.

It is not easy, it is simple.

We are constantly told by the classical motivational speaker to change our mindsets. “Just change” she says. Oh, wow I never thought about it, what a genius! Yea, it is so easy, right? A walk in the park. “Just change your mindset”. What a stupid advice. What a boost of ego.

Although it is true that your mind is the key, you cannot change it all of a sudden. Do not pump your ego so much. Your inner self does not have such a strength. It is not a car, a house, a job. You could not alter it at your own wishes. You need an external event, something that will put it on fire. Indeed, during my journey, I learnt that this lack of power can be replaced by cleverness, by fooling your mind.

For me that spark came with a rejection. I flirted with a very nice girl but she laughed at me. “I like you but you are not my type”. Why don’t you just say “f**k off, you are too fat for me”? I decided at all costs to lose fat and try again after six months, with more than 60 kilos less. Oh boy! No more complains and doors open all of a sudden. It seems I was her type then.

I am not sure if it has to come from a rejection. Nonetheless, before that I had fruitlessly tried so many times that I believe having a girl/boy as your goal does help considerably.

My suggestion is try to fall in love with someone you know will reject you. If you do not have any, find one. Maybe you do not want love. Then just do it for sex. Say to yourself:

“I will find a woman/man who I want to have sex with, she/he will reject me and that is perfectly fine. I will give me six months. I will be back to her with less fat as possible and I will try again”

Ok, it can be the case that the rejection stems from other reasons. Who cares!

You just have to think and convince yourself that the main cause is your oversized body.

Remember: you cannot change your mind but you can easily fool it. You need that motivation from an external event. If the only reason is “I should lose weight because then my health will improve” you will never do it. This could actually work, but you know when? When you are hospitalized for obesity issues, when you feel pain. You need pain to change. Get it from a rejection and start. Your health will improve without even thinking about it.

The pain has to be direct and bad. It is not the general “oh! Nobody looks at me”. You have to go out and find your soul(or sex) mate. Have the suffering and the adrenaline pave your way to success. Let her/him be your Beatrice. Dante Alighieri wrote a masterpiece out of unrequited love. You can reach whatever you want with such a fire.

Diet and exercise are important too. Use some of the common apps out there. They are useful even if not sufficient. I trained a lot. I did tons of aerobic exercises for an hour and half, 4 or 5 days a week while following a plain Mediterranean diet.

But you know what is the biggest lesson I have learnt at the end?

I was happier before

Wait. Wait. I am not saying to stop everything. I wrote happier, not healthier. I feel a completely different person as far as the health is concerned, it is like having a new brand mind and body. Anyway, I should warn you. It can happen, as in my case, that at the end you realize you were actually happier with your older life. You know. You lose weight, build muscles and become more socially accepted. You get a ticket for what your parents call “real life”.

I even started attending parties. Me! The 133 kilos guy with 3 liters of coke per day and 16-hour laptop sessions in a dark room. I could not believe it but I was there, among all these folks in pool parties and night clubs. I was faking being a soccer expert just to enter in stupid conversations. I was doing what the society expects from you: being part of the crowd. All just to make you more manageable.

Yes, I was very sociable, I even became student representative of my entire high school. I spent time with very wealthy people and friendship suddenly became “networking”.. I was on the point to start a “great career”, as people would have said. Relatives were proud of me attending top schools and leaving my MTG cards and role games to chase money, girls and status. The main objectives to make you part of the normal, the mean. They were proud I was becoming an adult by their own standards. But me, what about me? Was I happy?

Well…… No way! Doctors, am I depressed? It can be. By your valuation methods for sure.

These are just my thoughts. Maybe you will be happier and enjoy the new life that will come with the weight loss.

I just want to stress that you are free. You get to decide. I do not blame you if you do not want to lose your weight. I actually understand you. Maybe right now you are at the highest point of “nominal” happiness you will ever reach in your life. Just look at the smile in my picture. Do you see? I did not even care about having my underware visible . Be aware, I said “nominal” and not “real”, the latter takes in consideration the effect of long-term damage to your body. Indeed, you have to know that your health is in danger. Again, I told you just the “oh I need to do it for my health” will not work. If you want to lose weight, go catch a rejection.

Last but not least.

Once you have reached your goal and conquered the one that said “no, sorry but you are not my type” then it is the time to say her/him “f*** you”.

I did that and it was the best thing ever happened to me. The price you pay to get there is not even a tiny part of the reward. Go for it!

I know. They think I am depressed. I assure you I am not. Maybe I am a depressed almost-happy healthier guy. “Almost” because I am now try to regain my old happiness while keeping my new body.

For me it has been like restructuring a house. Although not being very safe, it was still giving me a roof to sleep under. I was happy, I had a place and I was unaware it could have collapsed at any moment. When I realized I had to made some construction works, instead of trying to fix the problems I went for the complete destruction. Now, bricks by bricks I am building a new house. It will give me the same happiness as before(I will have a roof anyway) but it will be safer to live in. Nominal and real happiness. We need to look at them both.

Enjoy your journey….. Get rejected, fight to conquer your unrequited love and lose all your excessive fat. Good luck!