Hi, cis girl here… lol..
Tina Ouellette
62

Hi Tina,

I’m trying to be as polite as I can here, though what you said actually really offended me as a trans woman. I know a lot of this is new for you and I totally get that, and discussions like this is how we learn, so if I come off harshly at all please know it is not my intention.

So, this part specifically really bothered me:

“‘I asked a friend once “if this world could just accept you for who you were and didnt place lables, would trans people really feel the need to risk their lives and bodyparts to be happy with themselves?’ She said No.”

That is entirely the perspective of your friend, and doesn’t reflect all trans people or even trans people in general. Body dysphoria can vary person to person, it sounds like your friend maybe experiences social dysphoria way more than body dysphoria (or maybe she doesn’t experience any physical discomfort at all). That is not the norm, however. While there are a lot of people within the trans spectrum like that, there are MANY of us, perhaps even a majority (and I am one of them) who would tell you that even if labels didn’t matter and we could dress and act and present ourselves however we want, we would still transition physically, up to and including hormones and surgeries (for some of us, certainly not for everyone).

This isn’t about labels. It really gets under my skin when people imply that if the world just woke up tomorrow and didn’t care how I presented that I would suddenly have no need to physically transition. That couldn’t be further from the truth. It might help a *tiny* bit but 90% of it would still remain. Regardless of how the world sees me or treats me, or how I am able to present myself, my body still feels wrong to me, and it still causes me an ENORMOUS amount of pain. Not until I finish with my physical transition will I finally feel comfortable in my own skin.

To imply otherwise is to completely misunderstand the complexities and nuance of the trans community and trans experience and dismiss what is, for many of us, a very, very real problem that society accepting us wouldn’t change. For some of us that physical discomfort is as or even more distressing than the social dysphonia.

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