It is just the beginning of 2024, but I already know that I have read one of the best books of the year. At the outset, I do not want to set your expectations high, Maria, that I might be planning to publish a sequel to your book. I am not.
There is only one intent for this blog which I am planning to email to you as well at ariamaamfordba@gmail.com (If you are wondering how I got your email address, please refer to pages 96 and 154 in your book) and the intent is:
A free ticket to your show! You promised that you would send a free ticket to anyone who emails you!
It is not that I cannot afford tickets to your show, but I am a cheapskate, and a sucker for anything that is free. I shop at TJMaxx, travel by Spirit Airlines and stay at Econo Lodge. I spend most of my free time scouring the internet for free stuff and coupons. I am sure your Nordstrom, Delta, and Hilton-loving-mother, Marilyn, would have strongly disapproved of me.
Now that I have set the record straight, I do hope that you can send me that free ticket to your show. You don’t have to bother to read the rest of the stuff I have written here as it is all fluff to make up the page.
I am still angry with your lies and deceptions about the book. I am a sucker for cults, so I have to read any book that has Cult in its title. I immediately grabbed your book the moment I saw the title and the pictures of you in the cult uniform. Jennette McCurdy on the blurb added another brownie point for you. I am sure you will be disappointed to know that the grab happened in my local public library and not at the internet monolith book seller. But you know me so well by now that you wouldn’t have expected me to shell out $14.99 on a book or anything at all (more on that later!)
Though I have never been part of any cult, I rub shoulders with several ex-cult members assisting them in small ways to take the evil cult leaders down. I will tell you everything about it when we meet to go over your QuickBooks files (Your Honor! The defendant claimed in her book, on page 148, that she will show her QuickBooks files to anyone who meets her in person). I was so excited that you might have been part of an evil cult like Heaven’s Gate or NXIVM (I am not mentioning MAGA as I do not want active cults to come after me). It was a total bummer that your book turned out to be a comedy coated, 12-step cult infused tearjerker recipes and no evil satanic cults. And Trump gets only an out-of-context passing mention.
After I brought the book home, I started to wonder — who the hell is Maria Bamford? Google informed me that you were a comedian. The only comedian I knew up till this point was Larry David. But Larry David was not sharing his email address for a free ticket. Beggars (and cheapskates) cannot be choosers. So I decided to go with you.
I then looked up your stand-up shows on YouTube. You do make a lot of funny noises but I could not get your jokes. Then I looked up the comments section. One person was saying, “If you do not understand Maria’s jokes, then you are a moron”. Now, I am a cheapskate and a moron.
There is a reason why I don’t go to stand-up comedy shows. Being a moron, I do not get the jokes. Then, I spend all my time looking at people around me looking for signs that they might laugh (you know, like a little twist of the mouth, a twitch in the face, etc.) so that I can laugh with them and be moron-free. But not to worry! When I come to your show with that free ticket, I promise you that I will laugh at everything you say.
I put off addressing the elephant in the room until now — your comedy-coated, 12-step cult infused tear jerker recipe book. I strongly believe that you are one of the bravest person I have come across (Jennette McCurdy is up there, too!). You fought and slayed your demons all alone in spite of the ever-existing association with 12-step cults. Being the nice person that you are, you might say that your sister, Scott, Amy or Dr. Pilz was there but I do not agree. You did it ALL ALONE PERIOD (in the boldest, biggest font). You are a true inspiration for many of the fellow dysfunctional family descendants like me, soul sister! And you are the smartest comedian out there (Step aside, Larry David!).
I sincerely hope you will get a Pulitzer for your next book!
Footnotes:
- Even though I am a cheapskate, I could not bear to read your book for free. So I bit the bullet and bought the e-book from the internet monolith book seller for $14.99 (Well, the internet monolith book seller gave me 2X points and a $3 credit for the next book. So it felt like buying the book at $11.99)
- Now that you have your own 12-step program, how soon can you start a cult? I can’t wait to join your cult!
Postscript (To all the snoopers who have been reading my email to Maria):
Don’t worry about it! Who can resist that guilty pleasure of reading someone else’s email?
As Maria states in her book, I do hope that we can lower the bar for mental health accessibility. A wait time of at least 45 minutes to get to the national suicide hotline is unacceptable. Thankfully, I have never tried calling the suicide hotline and those who are like me should be the luckiest persons alive.
I really do not understand what is going on. Did the mental crisis suddenly appear in front of us? Has it been there all along and are we just recognizing it?. All I know is that we are stretched thin with more and more people begging for mental health care.
I wish everyday that there was a God to whom we can throw the kitchen sink of our problems and get a magical solution. However, my intellect suggests that we are navigating through this labyrinth of life all alone. While we know what prize awaits us at the end of the labyrinth, it can be a very weary trod towards that prize depending on where we are on the Maslow’s hierarchy. I agree with Maria that the least we can do is to show a little kindness to the fellow travelers who are carrying more load than us. Some of us could also share their load possibly through peer counseling (Thanks for the great idea, Maria!). The training and certification are free and it is a great way to give back to the community. Please check what is available in your state (MA link below)
Lastly, I implore you to read the wonderful book from Maria. Check out the link below and if you are lucky, you might get it for $11.99. While you are there, check out Jennette’s book too!
References:
- Sure, I’ll Join Your Cult: A Memoir of Mental Illness and the Quest to Belong Anywhere by Maria Bamford, https://a.co/d/gK8Aqtc
- I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy, https://a.co/d/hFMKkbP
- MA Peer Counseling program https://kivacenters.org/certified-peer-specialist/
- Maslow’s hierarchy: https://www.simplypsychology.org/maslow.html
