I have always had a general reluctance towards flowers. Not so much an aversion as a mistrust. Very possibly it comes from the fact that they purport to send one message, but oftentimes end up sending another. I mean, there are books on flowers and their meanings. A black locust, for example, means platonic love. A buttercup; wealth, a daisy; innocence; a rose; love, desire, passion. But do you think people nowadays have any inkling what they are sending? Highly doubtful. In all likelihood it’s not so much that I dislike flowers as that I have always poorly understood human…


Originally posted on The Fix, Living Sober

Ten years ago today, I was sitting on my bedroom floor, in the throes of withdrawal, ready to face two uncomfortable truths — I had completely erased myself, and I was addicted to my boyfriend G. With quit-logic and positive affirmations scrolling across my screen — my only roadmap out of misery — I pleaded with my better self to get it right this time.

I was nothing like my father. My father was an alcoholic, a gambler, a sex addict, a workaholic, and a painkiller addict. If there’s an argument left for…


Originally published on The Fix, Living Sober

During the span of five weeks, when I was most convinced that my avoidant, pot smoking, unavailable boyfriend was singlehandedly to blame for our painfully frustrating, almost-over relationship, I met weekly with a therapist in Philadelphia. I wasn’t too keen on therapy. I was a reader and figured all I really needed was a few good self-help books. Why pay $150 a session just to have someone nod and mirror my every word? Trouble was, I didn’t like what the self-help books told me (dump him). So, why not give therapy a try…


10 RELATIONSHIP RED FLAGS NOT TO IGNORE

3 Votes

Most people know a red flag when they see one. And I don’t care how healthy and grounded you are, responding to subtle signs of incompatibility once you notice them is really hard to do. And yet, that’s what sets healthy relationship seekers apart from unhealthy ones. A healthy person will ultimately choose to walk away from a potential partner if the “signs” warn danger. An unhealthy person will most likely see the signs, but ignore them. …


Got a question? Need advice? Ask Lovely @ girlrebuilt@gmail.com

I get many letters every month asking for my personal advice. I thought I’d start sharing them. Disclaimer: I’m not a therapist. I have no professional titles. But I do have one thing a lot of pros don’t. At least 10,000 hours devoted to really bad relationships that I somehow learned to stop having.

Dear Lovely,

I’m really struggling right now in a way I haven’t suffered in months.

I arrived back in Sedona a couple days ago feeling really whole and well in myself. However, I came back not having…


There’s a hole in a donut. There’s a hole in a car tire. There’s NOT a hole in you.

I need to come out and say that right from the start, because I believe it’s one of the most important lessons any addict needs to learn in order to fully recover. It’s a Hollywood fallacy. It’s misinformation. Somewhere along the line, maybe in some self-help book, we were taught to believe that we have a void inside us, and that notion is, simply, wrong.

Part of my recovery, part of many traditional recovery plans, was learning how to “fill the…


  • Dear Lovely,

I have been reading your blog for years. I love everything you write and I can honestly say your words have changed my life. I am a completely different person than I was just three years ago. But, I think I am ready to date again after putting a lot of work into myself and being single for over a year now. I can’t say I love my single life all the time, but I can say, it has been the most peaceful, calming, happy time of my life that I’ve ever known (no obsessing over why he…

Girl Rebuilt

10,000 hours devoted to really bad relationships that I somehow learned to stop having. #relationships #love #avoidant #loveaddiction #breakup

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