How I began to own my okay-ness
After doing decently in tenth std, watching my grades slip while i was too busy watching Seinfeld to notice in 12th and then finally plummeting into the hell that is getting a “KT”, i learned much later in life, i am no special snowflake. (but I am a liberal, so if that makes me a special snowflake SO BE IT)
I am never going to win any awards, make my country proud, hell I can’t even make my friends proud at this point, or become famous. It’s not because of lack of trying, I am just not good enough. Saying hard work se sab kuch mil jata hai, is like telling every singer out there who is talented and working their ass off “You’re going to be be successful” when the only major rockstar in the Indian context is well.. Farhan Akhtar. And the best selling novelist in this country.. Chetan Bhagat. And topping this full of shit ice-cream is the orange that some people call president of United States. You get the drift.
Basically life is fucking unfair. No matter where you are, what you are doing, there is always someone who is either better than you, or has more resources than you, is in a better mindspace than you, has that silver spoon you have been eyeing and so on and so forth. The motivation stickers you paste all around, and how many lists you make, life will come at you like a tornado that will destruct everything in it’s path, while you’re left picking up pieces and wondering what the hell just happened.
Also, how freaking hard is it being famous and important! Elon Musk works for 100 hours a week! To put that in context a week has 168 hours. Demi Moore, famous actress who can also be mistaken for a living greek god, let’s leeches suck her face so she could look like she figuratively fell from heaven. Leeches. The same shit that will make you abandon your 10k+ costing mattress in a heartbeat. Indra Nooyi wakes up at 4. FOUR. AM. I won’t even wake up that early for a 70 percent off sale. Or if my house is on fire.
About a few years back I realised I was funny, but not funny enough to make videos on youtube; I am a decent singer but only when enough alcohol has entered my bloodstream, and can only write things like a birthday survey which my friends took, because they decided to humour the living nightmare that is knowing me. A lot of slumps and highs at work made me realise, while I am not high flying career gal who will get featured in 30 under 30, neither am I the adventurous kind who can say “I am done with this shit” to my boss and then pack my bags to jet off to an “off-beat” location, because “I need to find myself.” (read: have an instagram that will induce feelings of envy and why-not-me from all my “followers”)
The truth is I have found myself. I can walk around with uncombed hair without looking like a homeless person. I have re-watched simpsons an unhealthy amounts of time (in case that still hasn’t come across) that makes me feel cooler than all you folks who obsess about game of thrones and it’s many spoilers (if everyone died at that damn wedding, why do you continue watching this show? I AM CONFUSE) . Also I get Rickshaws quite easily, and you know how difficult it is to please those guys!
I am basically skimming through life, because while it would be nice to win awards, and get accolades and maybe inspire an entire gender to finally admit that they have oppressing another for centuries and get them to stop (yes, I am looking at you, the man who is reading this drivel instead of doing actual work), I think I am better off, screenshotting instagram stories of an old classmate, so me and my friend have something to laugh about later. Because I am too into owning my okayness, just like my hashtag relatable buddy Homer J. Simpson.