By Gloria Steinem’s Logic, You’d Think I Was Drowning in Dick

“Yo, Holly, why do you go so hard for Bernie?”

“For the D.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah, as a young, single woman, clearly my fervent commitment to the Old Man has been really a ploy to get young D.”

“I — how — no, I don’t believe it. You’re plainly so — “

“Utterly and completely sincere in all things I say and do in support of flipping every table that keeps women oppressed and voiceless?”

“Yes.”

“Well, according to Gloria Steinem, my feminism is a lie. I’ve been hunting D this whole time. Bernie Sanders is my thirst trap.”

“That seems so — inefficient.”

“Wildly so. To think I could just go on Tinder.”

“So why — “