Horoscopes for the Depressed
That smell is you. You haven’t showered in three days. What did you think you would smell like today.
No, it’s probably not going to just go away on its own.
No, she actually didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that but she was about done with your shit anyway.
You said you were going to learn to cook six deliveries ago. Maybe today is the day, big guy.
If you get out of bed today, you’ll eat more than you did yesterday when you didn’t get out of bed.
Your tits are fine. Stop thinking so much about them.
You will still be watching, Netflix, thank you.
What on Earth gives you reason to think that you’re stable enough to buy property. No.
No, the new Star Wars will not make you live.
Your parents are always worried about you. This is just an excuse to talk to you until they come up with the next one.
Do you really think you’re in a good enough place to start dating? Are you ready to subject yourself to others?
If you leave the house today, you might leave again tomorrow.