How to Defeat Boss Trump

The King of the Trumps has barricaded himself in the bowels of his grand castle. To reach Trump, you must navigate your way through winding chambers of hot lava that will kill you immediately if should fall into it jumping from platform to platform, each made of something that somehow manages not to melt into the lava. No, I don’t know what that something is. Stop getting distracted.

Trump Jr. will chase you as you make your way through the castle in his Trump Jr. Clown Car. His aim is to push you into the lava, if his intention wasn’t made immediately apparent the first several times he tried to push you into the lava. You can’t really stop him. He’s invulnerable to your fireballs. But trust me, he’s slow and predictable with his attacks. You can jump over him.

As you get closer to the throne room, you’re going to come to a large gilded door that has the word ‘TRUMP’ on it because everything in this stupid castle is gaudy and obvious like that. Once you open this door, watch out! There will be incoming fireballs! Jump over the fireballs as the you approach your first altercation with King Trump.

Trump will be standing on a rope bridge. From up there, he’ll probably be laughing and calling you a loser. Whatever. Ignore him. He talks to hear himself talk.

Jump over a few more platforms and you’ll soon see a large, conspicuous switch. You’ll probably ask yourself what the hell this switch does when you pull it. A smart person would probably not pull this switch in a crazy man’s castle because it so obviously screams booby-trap. So if you’re asking yourself this question, it demonstrates that you have a critical mind and would be useful to have about in dangerous situations. But let me assure you that you have to pull it because I read the guide. If you don’t pull this switch, you can’t move the story forward and defeat King Trump.

Once you pull the switch, a giant ax will swing down and cut the bridge Trump is standing on, causing him to fall into a pit below. You might think this the end of Trump, but it’s not. He just fell down a pit. Stop getting ahead of yourself.

Moving right — you’re always moving right, never left — you’ll arrive at a courtyard. You’ll probably hear the Princess Ivanka screaming, but she’s irrelevant. Forget her.

Trump will be waiting, shooting fireballs and turtle shells at you at a steady pace. These — like his insults — are fairly easy to evade.

Riding out in front will again be Trump Jr. scooting around in his flying clown car. You’ll probably want to steal that from him at some point because crashing it into his father inflicts the most damage. The only problem is that you still can’t actually hurt Trump Jr., you can only stun him by jumping on his head. However! When he is stunned, you can literally scoop him up and throw him at his father, inflicting a tiny amount of damage. (You could, I guess, shoot fireballs at Trump, but defeating him this way takes a long time.)

Better to steal the flying car thingy. After landing three solid strikes to his head with his son’s idiot car, you will have defeated Trump.

Congratulations!