Open Letter to the Hopelessly Indebted Voting for Hillary Clinton

Holly Wood
Mar 16, 2016 · 2 min read

So I hear you owe tens of thousands of dollars in medical debt and student loans. That sucks.

Woah, wait, you owe how much? That’s mind-boggling.

Is it even legal to sign a loan that big when you’re 17?

When I was 17, I was afraid of sex because everyone told me that if I got pregnant and had a kid, my life would be over. Did anyone warn you about that? Ha, I was terrified of pregnancy since our society treats single moms like dessicated dogshit. You’d think someone would have warned you about debt.

No? Really?

You mean no one sat you down when you hit puberty and told you that going into debt was going to devastate any chance of you doing what you want to do with your life?

Wait, your parents co-signed it?!

Wow, your parents really let you down there, huh. Sorry, mate.

Hey, so tell me about that first job you took after graduating. Yeah, the one that you knew sucked going in but after sending off a hundred applications, it was the only one that would give you an interview. Yeah, tell me about it, like how you said you were going to leave as soon as something better came along.

Except nothing ever did, did it.

And you’re paying how much in rent? Ha, that fucking sucks. I don’t mean to laugh. But that’s like half your pay, isn’t it?

How’s your insurance?

Yeah, I hear that. My brother has that kind of insurance. We call that bandaid insurance because it’ll do you fuck good when you get hit by a bus.

So you’re paying $8,000 in structured payments for an emergency room visit last year? Your insurance didn’t cover that? Oh, your deductible doesn’t kick in until you owe $20,000. Yeah, that’s shitty insurance. I get it. But hey, as Hillary says, you’re covered! And that’s what matters.

Oh, you voted for Hillary?!

That’s hilarious.

Lotsa luck,


Holly Wood

Written by

Documentarian of the absurd.

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