Ted Cruz, How Does Heaven Work?

Another bad poem in a delightful series of politically motivated bad poetry

What if Saint Peter

stopped you at the gates,

“Sorry, you didn’t contribute enough to the global economy.”

What if that was how heaven worked?

What if God concerns himself solely

with your contribution to the Christian GDP?

All that shit Jesus said about selling your possessions

and giving them to the poor?

He was kidding.

He clearly didn’t mean that.

When he said, “Hey, shepherd all of God’s living creatures?”

He was joking.

Fuck the planet.

It’s shit anyway.

What really matters in the end is a 4% annual growth rate.

I want to know how Ted Cruz thinks heaven works.

What Jeb Bush thinks will bring the good eternal contentment.

This would be my GOP debate:

Gentlemen, tell me how you’ll spend your eternal life?

What will make you happy forever in a world without work?

What is on the other side of death promised to you?

On what basis are you to be redeemed?

Rand Paul, tell me what Jesus is going to whisper in your ear,

after you tell him how you gutted aid to the poor and the ill

in your effort to help boost his holy economy?

I want to know what God has to say to you, Marco Rubio,

after you tell him that the wages of his children were too high,

that they shouldn’t have had free access to medicine,

or warm and safe shelter, or collective compassion always.

I want to know how Republicans think Heaven works.

Can they define Christian nobility in sixty seconds?

Can they tell the audience what Mary taught them?

Can they tell us why the poor are no longer blessed

and what happened to make God change His mind?

Can they tell us when God stopped caring for His planet

but really got into construction and development futures?

I just want to know how they think this Christianity thing works.

What is the Republican 2016 Gospel?

Do we know?