On being a woman men aren’t ready for.

Ok, deep breath, here goes.

You did a good thing when you decided to open up about your feelings. His rejection doesn’t mean you are not good, worthless or anything of the sort. He simply didn’t like you enough. That has happened to men since the dawn of time, since they were put in the position of being the ones that made the first move, and women had to accept or reject their advances.

Being rejected doesn’t make you difficult, somebody men are not ready for, or “too much”. It just makes you somebody who had unreciprocated feelings for somebody else, and that somebody was honest about their own. Somebody else will love you back, because there is no such thing as “too much”. Intelligent men fall for intelligent women all the time, they value their intelligence and opinions and cherish their independence.

This kind of generalization, “Men do not want me because they’re not ready for me” is dangerously similar to “Women do not want me because I’m a nice guy”, the MRA mantra. Let’s not fall into these traps. One man, even ten men, are not the whole of humanity; their opinion of us should not shape our opinion of ourselves. Thinking of yourself as too much sets you up for failure, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. I understand the frustration, but that is just not a good way to go about finding a mate.

You were honest, it didn’t work out, grieve and move on. It’s not you, it’s not him, it’s just life.

Big hugs!

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