I used to feel my only escape was suicide, I was wrong

Anonymous Author

Imagine looking at yourself in the mirror and being disgusted with what you see. That’s an everyday thing for many teens, I was one of those teens . When you hear insults from others, those insults just don’t slip away. They permanently stay in your head and you repeat them over and over again. Then you start feeling depressed and lonely, and you start talking less. Smiling becomes rare. Those are some of the major behaviors people need to look out for when someone is depressed. Criticism hurts and harms others. It’s not like you can write your words and actions down and when you notice that you did something wrong, you erase it. It stays with the person and it reminds them that they are nothing to you, which makes them think they aren’t worth anything to anyone.

Once the hurtful comments get to them, some teens start cutting and thinking that their body deserves the pain, that it should suffer. The cuts on their body show the amount of times they were really hurt and felt alone as if they were in a dark deep hole with no way out. They thought their bodies deserved to suffer the same way; they were suffering mentally. Some people start eating less and say things like: “I’m not hungry”,“I ate already”, or “I’m full” but behind those words are: “I’m FAT,” I’m ugly,” “I don’t like my body,” “My body doesn’t deserve to have food.” I used to eat less and less each day, thinking that the less food I have in my system the skinnier I’ll be. At the time, I was happy that I was getting skinny, but I started feeling weak because I stopped eating a healthy amount and I didn’t drink much water. I became more depressed and had suicidal thoughts. There were times I felt so alone that I thought my only escape from pain was to commit suicide.

Everyone has different situations when it comes to dealing with low self-esteem and depression, but the feelings are all similar. They think it’s best to be alone and not tell anyone how they are feeling. I felt that way too, but then I realized that the best thing to do is to ask for help, talk to a counselor, or call one of the hotlines where they can help you and you can talk about your problems anonymously. There are people who can help guide you down a better path. We have a bunch of helpful numbers listed on our website: Crisis Hotline & Resources.

I was a depressed girl who thought that committing suicide was the best choice to make. Many people didn’t imagine me being the kind of person to think about death because I’m usually the person who talks people out of suicide and depression. You could say I’m the “counselor” or the “mom” in my group of friends.

But I also have a great friend who is more like a brother to me. He was the first person who knew about my situation and he understood me. He called me and texted me to make sure I was okay. Every Saturday, he checked my arms to see if I had new cuts. He always sat next to me and made me eat. There were times he treated me like a baby as if I didn’t know how to chew. But he was the only person who actually saw my pain through my eyes. Sometimes I would think: how can he see my pain through my smile? My parents and friends couldn’t identify my fake smiles. But many people will believe anything.

I’m so glad my friend helped me out of that dark hole. It was a struggle but I’m working on it and he’s still helping me through this. Life isn’t something to throw away. Try to make the most of every second because you never know when it will end.

If you want to learn more about our By Teens-For Teens community: go on our website or contact a teen ambassador.