What Having A Boyfriend Has Taught Me So Far
So, awhile back I wrote a post about wanting a boyfriend. In said post, I discussed how I didn’t really want a boyfriend per-say, but a boy to give me the attention and love I could not give myself. And this is true. At the time I had no real conception of what a boyfriend really was, or what being in a relationship in high school meant, since it is assumed that you will break up before graduation. I had been in sexual relationships before (think, friends with benefits but with a lot more emotional turmoil), and have had crushes on boys before, but have never been in a serious, committed relationship, and at the time, that was all I wanted.
In the short period of time between now and writing that blog post, a lot has changed. I finished my sophomore year (by some inexplicable grace of god), started doing special effects makeup, and, well, got a boyfriend. Yes, the one thing that almost everyone in my life (including myself) thought would never happen happened. I, Sophia, am the proud girlfriend of a real, human boy. And while we’ve only been together for a few months, the relationship has proved every idea and expectation I had for a relationship wrong.
First of all: I’m still anxious. Nothing about entering a relationship has made me less anxious about the things I was anxious about before; I just have a boyfriend to discuss those anxieties with. I still freak out about my future and about school and about everything I freaked out about before, and that’s good. Having a boyfriend should not have solved all my anxiety; it should not have “cured” me of being myself.
Second: I am not always happy with myself. Yes, my boyfriend compliments me, and he makes me feel so incredibly happy and loved. But I still feel insecure about my weight, have bad hair days, and spend hours watching “no makeup makeup” videos in an attempt to master the naturally unnatural beauty society has told me I’m supposed to look like. It is not my boyfriend’s job to make me less insecure, I need to conquer my insecurities on my own, and we both know that.
Despite these things, I have gained more from being in a relationship than I thought. I’ve learned that you don’t need to agree with someone on everything to work well with them, and that sometimes agreeing too much turns into a problem of its own. I’ve learned that you can still love someone with what feels like every fiber of your being, and strongly disagree with something that they do. Being in a long distance relationship (a topic that deserves its own full blog post) has shown me the intense importance of communication and honesty in a relationship. It has helped me be more mindful throughout my day because when you’re sharing your day with someone who isn’t there to live it with you, you become more tuned in to the finer details of a moment you didn’t realize when you were living it.
All in all, I was wrong about everything I thought a relationship would consist of. But, in a way, I think I was right. Somewhere, in my heart of hearts, I knew that my idea of relationships was skewed and, quite frankly, unhealthy. It just took being in a relationship to really prove it to me.