Mind Games and Gym Gains
We all have our inner demons. have learned over the past year that when I step foot into the gym it can feel like an arena of sorts. It’s interesting because I can literally do the same exact exercise one day and repeat it the following week with a completely different experience. The major difference isn’t in the amount of weight I’m lifting or the environment — rather, how my relationship is with the person in the mirror.
Accountability is a powerful thing. By going to the gym consistently I hold myself accountable for the progress I’m making or lack thereof. One day I can feel on fire — on top of the world. The next I can suffer from imposter syndrome and feel like a complete dumb ass.
Growth mindset is something that I strive for. But there’s a comfortability that I have fallen into with my routine. I hit a plateau and tried yesterday to challenge myself with a workout app. I was struggling, shaking — kinda hard to feel like a goddess and show off for any potential “gym crush” with this kind of practice. But I decided that the struggle was worth it. That, in fact, like so many things at the gym — it’s just another mind game.
“Your body can withstand almost anything. It’s your mind you have to convince.”
Ah, yes. I just spoke with my gorgeous and feminine friend on the phone. She was a cheerleader in high school, seems effortlessly beautiful. You know the type. I was telling her about my struggle today and she admitted to me that she hasn’t pushed herself to a heavy sweat in a while. The concept of sweating is not, perhaps, as glamorous as my inner diva is comfortable with. It is — in fact — something I used to struggle with. There’s a different part of myself that I must access to slay my workouts. My inner warrior is often called upon.
I have a myriad of playlists. Sexy music, angry music, energetic music, inspiring music, music that reminds me of people that inspire me. Music from different phases in my life. High school music, college music, etc. When I enter the gym I treat it as a blank slate. I wait to see what feelings surface as I begin my work. I had a similar pattern with my previous therapist — he would greet me with a neutral expression and tone. Depending upon my response he would be able to gauge what feelings I had been suppressing. I have learned to adopt a similar practice at the gym and practice mindfulness as I work through the emotions that surface. It can be spiritual experience, truly — connectedness with self. Detoxing my “ugly” emotions and using them to empower me, fuel my movements. There are also days that I smile through my workouts and joy and confidence in the way I move. But I give myself the compassion and space to work through pain, fear, sadness and anger as well. Allowing the feelings to surface — working through them — moving through them — accepting them — enables me to feel a release. I honor my feelings and what they are trying to teach me. I don’t numb them. “Anger shows that I’m in danger,” something I learned in therapy. “There’s a part of you that is trying to protect you. When you feel angry. It’s an alarm of sorts.” My therapist — helping me to honor my intuition and trust my instincts. Stand up for myself. Set boundaries. Push back when I need to. Behind the anger there is generally fear. What do I fear? Understanding my fears — challenging them. Overcoming my anxiety and limiting self-beliefs.
Mindfulness through movement. Connecting with my body. Feeling the power therein. Trusting. Loving. Embracing. Focusing on building. Progressing. Don’t get me wrong — there are still days that are hard. I know that sometimes I don’t want to face my emotions — particularly heightened — but I always know that I will leave the gym feeling better. Sometimes I may feel embarrassed or judged or weak — but there are more times now that I feel empowered and strong and at peace. I will keep slaying — working towards my growth inside and outside the gym.
