What’s The Deal With Being on Someone’s Aquaintance List?

G. Mendelson
Aug 31, 2018 · 3 min read

Afterall, I’m your friend, right? Or am I?

Friendship can be a bewildering existence. I assume that if I am friends with someone, that in fact I am able to consider myself a “part” of that person’s life. But what part do we play in other’s lives? And, if we are to consider ourselves friends with others, how does it jive with how we are treated by them?

I generally like to stay in touch with the folks I call friends. That’s a simple requirement I think for any friendship. I make the assumption that if I am a friend of yours, that it’s okay for me to contact you, right? I mean, email, text, social media in general, it should all be open. But something happened to me that threw a monkey wrench into my assumption.

I had been friends with someone for a few months. We met through a mutual friend, and we share a particular career interest. We used to email and text about various things, and of course sometimes it was nothing more than a “Hey, what’s up?”. It was totally friendly but platonic…. no really it was. But after a few months, I noticed that it slowly waned, until she stopped emailing and texting with me. I didn’t check in, assuming that she was busy, but after awhile it felt like I was downgraded somehow. When I did finally email her, it was clear to me that this is exactly what happened. I learned that I had been replaced by other more “applicable” friends, and then downgraded to an acquaintance. So, was I some sort of “roadside stop-over” friend? Was I merely a “7–11 convenience” friend for a quick bite to her? Am I basically collateral damage from her life plans? An “innocent bystander” in the blast zone of her decisions? It bugged the shit out of me. Like how did I end up here?

An “acquaintance?” How the hell did THAT happen?

Ugh, the “A” word. It means that I’ve been downgraded on someone’s list for some reason. Maybe I freaked them out about something? Maybe I did or said something wrong? Or, is it because I was on someone else’s acquaintance list, so my status got transferred to her list? Most often, it’s because someone got bored of me, that’s my take. People change and so do their interests. I mean, it’s one thing to feel like you’re important in someone’s life. That’s actually a very good, very rewarding experience. Knowing that you somehow make a person’s life “better” or more positive somehow just feels good.

But people change — like hairstyles.

What was great today, can feel like crap tomorrow. One day you’re someone’s go-to friend for everything from dating advice to recipe exchanges. The next day, you find yourself relegated to the “Yeah, I know who he is” pile. Know who he is, REALLY? Not even “I’m friends with him” or “I know him”? Damn!

Being tossed to the curb happens to everyone. But how often do we ask why? All the time, that’s how often. And when we ask, we are forced to accept the fact that we are expendable. That human beings change so often, and for such inconceivable reasons that it’s really hard to trust others with our friendship. We humans want to be VALUED, not just friended. Calling me your friend isn’t the same as calling a pet “your dog”. When we decide who, how and when we have a friend, one would hope that there is some semblance of respect and consideration for how your decisions affect another person.

But maybe I’m asking too much? Maybe I “should just be a friend, and be accepting of other’s decisions”.

Nope. Sorry — I refuse to roll over and play dead, just to be someone’s “acquaintance”… I’m worth way more than that, and I shouldn’t have to “work” to be on your friend list.

G. Mendelson

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Published writer for The Huffington Post, LinkedIn, and TED.com; Admirer of the elusive true love…