10 Things I’m Trusting Will Hold Me in Good Stead as a Dad

The Daily Biscuit — 17 October 2022 — A snack-sized piece of wisdom about activating dad-mode from today’s journal.

I have three kids now.

I want to be quite a few things in life and being a great dad is right up there on the list.

So far, almost 10 years in, here are 10 things that I’m doing that I’m hoping will help me move toward being a great dad. To be the dad I need to be for my kids.

I hope they can help you as a dad — or mum…

1. Redefine Yourself.

You’re Dad now.

Wear this hat; embrace it.

This will mean some things will need to be let go of. Some of the old parts of your life will need to die so full Dad mode can be activated. Do it.

It will also mean we should try to get better at it. Read, talk to other dads, talk to your parents. If you’re called dad now, we can always get better but it won’t happen by accident.

2. Figure out what you stand for as a family.

You’ve heard of good ol’ fashioned family values…but what are your family’s values?

What are the core values and behaviours for your family? Write them down, involve your partner and kids (if they are old enough — hopefully your partner is, otherwise, hear those sirens? They’re for you).

You might turn what you come up with into a poster and display it in your home. Refer to what is says often. Use them as a daily tool for reflection and connection.

Drop me a line if you’re keen to see an example from our family.

3. Dad every day.

We can’t be complacent as dads and be removed, silent or disengaged and then hope to swoop in to save the day when something goes wrong.

And something will go wrong.

But it’s much more likely things will go wrong less and whatever the mess it will be easier and quicker to navigate if you’ve actually been present with your kids every day of their lives.

4. Talk about everything.

Make time to talk daily. The dinner table is always a good opportunity.

Model it from as early as possible, even if it’s just you and your partner while the little muppets aren’t able to talk. They’re watching though, going full sponge.

If they can engage with words, ask if there is anything they want to talk about, anything that is on their mind, that is bothering them, that they are curious about.

Openness is going to be crucial.

5. Be there.

Be around.

Quite simply, the more often you are present, the more likely it will be that you are there when you’re really needed. This, combined with point 4, will be powerful. Kid has problem, kid knows they can talk to you about anything, there you are.

6. Admit your mistakes.

Show your kids that you’re human too.

You’re not always perfect. We stuff things up every day. Apologise when you’re a jerk.

7. Create strong one-one connection.

Do something one-one every day with your kid that let’s them know they’re loved no matter what; just between the two of you.

Always communicate love and forgiveness. Create a routine where there is physical and emotional connection. I sing to my girls every night (even though I sound more like Ed’s Sheering than Ed Sheerin), and even when I don’t won’t to. I hug them and they get to choose when to let go.

8. Play

Don’t sit on your phone. Get on the floor and play. Be a princess or a tiger or a baby or a bus driver or a horse.

In this house, the word “Roar” even minus enthusiasm is a trigger for increased heart rates, adrenaline release, hair-raising screams and unbridled laughter.

Get into their world. Create fun and memories.

9. Take photos

I know I just said get off your phone.

But do take photos with it. It’s also fun to look back and remember the good times you’ve had together. It’s also fun to put funny filters on and just laugh.

10. Write it down

In the moment, you honestly believe that you’ll remember the moment forever. You won’t. It’s amazing what you forget. Take time each day to write down some highlights from your day, things your kids said and did. You’re going to want to be a story teller when you’re old. Make sure you have some stories. A journal will give you a never ending supply of memories to re-tell.

If it’s a digital journal, you can add one of the photos from point 9 and make it more powerful and memorable.

What are you doing as dad/mum that’s holding you in good stead for the future? Please comment below — I’d love to add great things to my tool kit.