Getting Stuck in.

The first of these posts can be found here

The original set of posts can be found on Facebook in this public group.

A quick recap on the timescale. June 25th was when I was first asked to get an ultrasound. It was now the end of October, I had been given the all clear, but been asked to come back in 4 months time for another round of tests, just to be sure.
Then I get a call from the secretary of a consultant I’ve not met before, asking me to come in for ‘a special clinic’. It was 2 more months until I was scheduled to return, so this was a bit weird. The date they had given me was my sons birthday. I asked to move it and she was super insistent. I told her it was Kelly’s birthday and she moved it to the next week but very reluctantly. This obviously set off a few alarm bells, but i’d been getting very worried previously and it had turned out to be nothing, what was so different this time?
That constant distraction was back, like a shadow cast over everything you do. It felt like I was doing two things at once, all the time, doing what I wanted to do, whilst also thinking about what was going to happen at this appointment. It was draining.
The two weeks limped by and soon I was back at Southend University hospital. I was still being treated under the NHS and mostly I was still very happy with the way things had progressed, they were all doing a great job.
When I got there I was seen into a new room. I’ve since labelled this, “The bad news room”. I’m not sure if there is a thing, but it certainly felt like it. Lots of soft furnishings, calm toned of green, and what felt like an army of people on standby in-case things didn’t go well.
It was then I met the hero who is Mr Jonathan Philpott.

He was about to save my life.

He was joined by a consultant, and there was a nurse stood on guard behind me.
He proceeded to explain the situation.
I had been tested and had a biopsy. They measure the results on a scale of 1–5.
1 = failed test, need to be retested.
2 = All clear. That’s what I got.
3 = Can’t remember what this was.
4 = Signs of cancer but not conclusive
5 = Cancer detected.

He then explained that although all the test had come back negative, a small random selection of case notes get referred for a second opinion. My case notes had been dropped on his desk, completely by luck! He looked at the ultrasound pictures, and explained that after 20 years of operating on cancer patients, he only had to look at the pictures for a split second to decide that he wanted to operate and remove the lump.
On the 1–5 scale, I was a 4. If there was such a thing, it would be 4.5. The images showed a lump that looked like cancer, but the tests had not confirmed this was the case, so he was unsure.
He suggested this was all precautionary and most likely I was about to get over treated, but better to be safe than sorry.
I agreed, so we booked in a date to operate, the 7th December 2017, I was about to fly to Las Vegas on a work trip, which meant I would land and go straight to pre-op and a few days later i’d be admitted.
He then explained how the lump was connected to my thyroid gland, and how we would remove half of my thyroid. It was then I discovered that the lump was 6.5 cm in diameter!!!!
This was the first time I had realised how big this thing was.
I asked about how the fine needle biopsy (FNB) could not be conclusive, and he suggested that with a lump 6.5 cm in diameter, if my lump was the size of the UK, the FNB was equivalent to me digging a hole in my back garden, finding no oil, and then suggesting there is no oil in the UK.
Hmmmpppp.
He wanted a much larger piece of meat to put in a blender, and sample the whole thing. Only then would we be sure if I had cancer or not.
You can live quite happily with half a thyroid, the other half just picks up the load. It’s shaped like a butterfly, and we were removing 1 wing. He did explain that although the operation was simple, it is high risk. Any throat based operation has its dangers. There are lots of nerves running up your neck, your vocal cords could be impacted, plus ofcourse the more obvious things like blood arteries and your throat. But this wasn’t his first rodeo, i’d be rigged up to all sorts of gadgets and i’d be in safe hands.
I was sold when he said gadgets, I signed the consent form, and I was booked in.
Next stop surgery.

Life Lesson 4
Communication — Having anything wrong with you is a very personal thing. Sometimes you will be embarrassed, some time you just wont want others to worry, you can be in denial, or full blown acceptance, in which case no one may ever find out. It’s a weird mental state to be in and I don’t feel there is a standard protocol for these sorts of things. So I did what I thought was best. For most of 2017, it was unknown what was wrong with me, so I didn’t feel the need for anyone to get worried about nothing. So I mostly kept things to myself. This was hard. My behaviors had changed, I was ‘a bit flakey’ as i’d have to change plans as new medical appointments came in, I didn’t go out much or socialise. When spending time with people who did know, there was always this shadow overhanging the conversation, and I could see them getting upset and worried when the topic did come up. It tears you apart, but I had help.
I was able to find a few people with first hand experience of these situations and they provided all sorts of guidance and advice. It actually surprised me, that almost everyone I spoke to was either directly impacted by cancer, or had someone close to them going through something similar. Wow.
There is definitely a strength in numbers and sharing information from those in the front lines helped me get my thoughts in order and approach the situation pragmatically and objectively.
If your going through your own personal journey, then find people in the same boat, grab and oar, and start rowing with them. Whilst having the emotional and physical support of family and friends is key, it cannot replace good factual advice gained through experience. Make sure you have a mix of both.

Many of you who had been on your own journeys got in touch and offered me exactly that advice and help. I thank you all, you know who you are, your special people, and every text, WhatsApp, direct message, phone call, cards/notes, chat over a beer, have been gratefully received. I’ll be forever thankful to be surrounded by such kind and loving friends and family.

A brief note on people.

People are awesome, and the great thing about all of us is that we have such an enormous capability to show compassion and love. I’ve been the recipient of more than my fair share over the recent months, but I’ve not taken any of it for granted. I’ve appreciated every time one of you has just sent a small note to say your thinking about me. I’ve had a bunch of gifts and a ton of cards, that all cheered me up more than you can imagine.
It’s all these thoughtful actions by others that help you focus. It would have been easy early on to wallow in self pity and get down about the situation, but it was obvious to me from day 1 how lucky I am to have such great people around me, friends that would literally do anything for me, and a family that I can’t be without and gave me every reason to ensure I get through this and keep on enjoying every chance I can with them all.
Lots of people have commented on what a positive mindset I’ve had and how brave I’ve been. It wasn’t me, it was all of you. You’ve giving me so much to be thankful for and I’ll never be able to repay it, other than saying thank you for giving me an amazing life worth living every single second of it to the max. No compromise.

Next up https://medium.com/@glenprobinson/going-under-part-1-9a20d0bac39b