Anxiety — Alone In A Crowd!

Do you make this crucial mistake?

How much time do you think you spend in your head?

How much time zoned out and churning through anxious thoughts instead of being present in the moment you’re in?

At the peak of my anxiety, there were often hours in a row for days on end where ALL I felt I was doing was obsessing over fears. Locked in my head, my anxiety would hit a feedback loop of that had me locked off from the outside world as I was overwhelmed by anxiety.

Yet at no point during that time did I even consider I wasn’t alone.

Not once did it cross my mind that anyone else felt as anxious or was as freakishly caught up in their head as me.

This feeling of isolation is a trap I mentioned in my last article on anxiety and is behind one of the three emotional gates I’ve found helpful to remember when I started my journey towards managing your anxiety:

- You are not alone

- Your anxiety is not your fault

- You can get better

To me, these three points acted as a foundation, a circuit breaker when I hit downward thought spirals. They counter common thinking patterns, distorted thoughts that feel logical but are actually a kind of mind virus.

Often if I was in an anxiety spiral, I would find feelings of embarrassment, shame, guilt, isolation, even hopelessness were related to one of these three emotional distortions, which in turn negatively reinforced how I was thinking.

To live with anxiety and learn to manage it you need to learn how to stop reacting to your fear, and this is basically impossible if you’re distorting your thoughts through a negative lens. So while these foundations won’t cure anxiety, understanding them can help you to defuse negative anxiety spirals.

Let’s explore that first thinking error a bit more — ‘You’re Not Alone’. It may seem obvious, yet most of us who suffer from anxiety do so in secret and feel very much alone.

You Are Not Alone

If you’re suffering from anxiety, chances are it feels like you’re broken, some kind of freak, that no one else could possibly be feeling this ‘perpendicular to the rest of the world’ sensation. But let me reassure you, you’re very, very wrong.

Global Prevalence of Anxiety

The World Health Organization stats show that anxiety disorders are the most common mental health disorder globally. In the US, the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) reports that roughly 32% of adolescents have an anxiety disorder. That’s one in every three of your friends feeling just as out of sync as you do.

It’s not just young people either. It drops a little once you’re over 18, but the data are still very clear — anxiety is a huge issue for all ages:

- 18–29 years old: 22.3% prevalence of anxiety disorders

- 30–44 years old: 20.1%

- 45–59 years old: 22.7%

- 60+ years old: 9.3%

If you’re in Australia, the story isn’t much different. The Younger generations down under are also experiencing higher rates of anxiety and mental health issues in general, affecting almost two in five people (39.6%) aged 16–24 years and roughly one in four people (27.1%) aged 25–34 years.

In the UK, 60% of adults experienced anxiety that interfered with their daily lives in the past two weeks.

Around a third of UK adults feel so anxious they are having trouble coping, and a quarter report their anxiety was so bad it prevented them from doing desired or necessary things.

Fully one in five adults in the UK report they are anxious all the time.

The numbers are similar wherever you look. Anxiety rates are climbing to levels previously unheard of worldwide, including in Canada, New Zealand, Japan, Germany, France, Singapore, and India.

The Relationship Between Anxiety and Loneliness

Do you avoid social events or experiences because of your anxiety?

If your anxiety starts controlling your life and you cross over into avoidance behavior, it’s called Experiential Avoidance (EA). As an anxiety sufferer, this should be a warning sign that you need help because, once you’re into avoidance, it can lead to additional physical and psychological health issues.

There have been times when I’ve been so engulfed by a feeling of pending doom and nerve-humming nausea, I have either avoided experiences altogether and just stayed at home — alone even amongst the company of my family — or I was not fully present in the experiences I was having because I was caught in my mental hell.

Loneliness Worsens Anxiety

Once your worry about panic attacks starts changing how you live your life, you’re in a vulnerable spot, and when you’re in a vulnerable place, loneliness and avoidance can exacerbate everything.

Maybe you’re avoiding invitations from friends, a day at the park, drinks after work or swimming at the beach. Whatever it is, avoiding social interactions and situations because you’re worried you’ll have a panic attack starts to build an invisible wall between you and everyone around you. The more you mask your feelings and avoid others, the lonelier you will feel.

Additionally, if your anxiety gets out of control for a prolonged time and you start to avoid social situations (and eventually life), you might progress from anxiety to depression.

So what can you do about it?

Start by challenging your thinking around your anxiety.

I always assumed my anxiety was an emotion other people wouldn’t understand.

With the ability to mask the mostly hidden symptoms of anxiety, it was easier to conceal my anxiety than risk exposing my fears in front of others.

This may seem harmless, but it really isn’t

Masking my anxiety rather than challenging the underlying assumption that other people wouldn’t understand how I felt meant I always felt embarrassed or even ashamed of my anxiety.

Masking my anxiety ended up hiding my emotions even from myself, which made everything much worse.

Alone in a Crowd

It really is extraordinary how alone we often feel while suffering from anxiety. Think about it for a second. Of all the people you know, up to a third of them feel exactly like you do — possibly more.

Sure, their reasons might be different. To you, their life might look perfect. But if you’re masking, your life might look perfect to them. Regardless, I can guarantee that many of them are suffering in exactly the same way, quietly hiding the secret reasons for their anxiety and needlessly feeling ashamed, just like you do!

Of course, being open about anxiety is not easy. You need trust and practice. But it can have a positive impact on your prognosis. Openness can lead to increased support, reduced stigma, and better treatment outcomes. Additionally, being more honest about your anxiety opens you to both emotional and practical support from friends, family, and mental health professionals that you can never experience if you’re hiding your pain.

Anxiety does not have to define you or limit your potential. You are capable of overcoming your fears and living a fulfilling life. Anxiety is incredibly common, and there is no reason for shame or guilt. The prevalence of anxiety disorders worldwide shows that many others are quietly suffering too. By being open about anxiety, seeking help, and addressing avoidant behaviors, you can manage your anxiety more effectively and improve your overall mental health. Remember, you are not alone in this struggle, and there is support available. You have the power to change your relationship with anxiety and embrace your true self.