The Day I Wanted To Tell My Father That I Made It

Pa, I made it! And I owe you this. I love you, always, to the moon and back.

It’s been two months since my father passed away and I can clearly recall those painful days when we lost him. Perhaps it is one of the saddest days in my life. Perhaps the most memorable graduation gift I have ever had is losing him. And what pains me more is the fact that I have never told him how much I loved him, how much I missed him, and how much I needed him to be there when I receive my diploma and earn my degree.

Yes, I made it. But treading the stage of success without him is excruciatingly painful.

Every time I tread the stage to receive my medals, he is always there — during my elementary and high school graduation—he is there. And we’ll take pictures and he will be proud of me. Of that at least I am sure.

It was March 17, 2015 when Papa was admitted to the hospital because of multiple physical ailments. He was admitted because of heat stroke. Half of his body is paralyzed, and he could not speak. So much for that, he suffered from heart enlargement, and once in awhile his chest tightened causing him to writhe in pain. His lungs were also filled with fluid.

And on March 25, 2015, just a day before my college graduation, he passed away.

The pain of knowing that he’s never gonna be there in my graduation day is worse. It’s like losing the best part of the story where I would give him the taste of the success I owe him. It is very difficult to find such courage to be happy on a supposed-to-be-happy day. And for the first time in my life, I know what it feels like to be so envious to everyone.

Pa, I made it! I know you’re happy now in heaven. I love you Pa! This is for you! This is your success too!