Who is using the Internet?!
*phone rings three times*
“Hey man, what’s up?” — Dr. Thomas Mensah
“Nothing, slow motion is motion boss.” — my response
“You know you’re my guy in NYC!” — Dr. Thomas Mensah
Who remembers the times when you would leave your internet on overnight to download three songs on Napster or LimeWire only to find out the next morning that the internet disconnected while downloading? piiiiinnchooooo whooooooooo iideeyyyyytoooooo hahahaahaha trumpwillwinpresidencyin2017 yawaaaaawooooooo ohhnooooooooo pickachusnorlaxbublasaurmewtwocharmandersquirttle … You’ve got mail!
The year was Y2K (2000 for the young bucks, like I’m old at 27) and that is what connecting to the internet on a dial up modem sounded like to me. I would use NetZero (if we were lucky) better known as K-Mart aka BlueLight 10 Hour Internet Special. I guess they couldn’t call it RedLight for obvious reasons. Shoutout to Amsterdam. Well, everything except the #trumpwillwinpresidencyin2017 part, but hey? Shoutout to the Simpsons on the prediction. Alternative facts are here for the next 4 years. Well 3.5 so #GodblessMurica. The good ol’ days of 56K. No, not a 401k, although those could be done away with soon? No, not $56,000 for those born post 2003ish or thereabouts which is when dial up began to phase out according to “Fake News Papa” aka the Wall Street Journal.
Not only has internet speed gone up since then, its is now it’s ioT phase (Google it, use some data that we pay for). Another interesting fact. Since 2003, the national average student debt has increased by more than 53 percent.
If I got really lucky or happened to find one of 10,000,000+ “free” AOL CDs all I needed was an auntie or uncle’s password since I did not have an account nor could I afford one. Shout out to the auntie’s and uncle’s who are reading this and just finding out it was me “teefin” your online hours. God bless you elephantly like my mom says. Elephantly meaning more than, yeah you get my point. I heard stories of AOL CDs being sold Downtown Newark for $5. God will punish you people. Free internet CDs and you charge people? Oh well, can’t knock the hustle #noJayZ.
Plus, I used to be ‘CD Man’ (Stereotypical African Hustle) too in Middle and High School. Even some parts of college. And OK maybe a little bit after that too. That’s another story in itself. Shout out to P90X and Rosetta Stone.
The crazy part about our apartment complex back in Orange, NJ was the intercom was connected to the phone line. What does that mean? Well, when someone was downstairs buzzing to get in, if we were ‘online’ then my friend, forget. Needless to say this resulted in some eventful moments indeed. From random family friends visiting to church members just “in the neighborhood” who would learn the hard way that you don’t just SHOW UP!
Like seriously?! Here we are enjoying our small internet (10 hours per month) and you want to just SHOW UP unannounced? My friend, go and show up at church. Or in your child’s life. What is this? Am I your co-equal? How we would find out that someone was downstairs is even more comedy. The internet (if you can call it that) would slow down, disconnect, and then try and reconnect again making that piiiiinnchooooo whooooooooo iideeyyyyytoooooo hahahaahaha ifwearestuckwithpencechaleideygoghana yawaaaaawooooooo ohhnooooooooo ghanajollofalldaynigerianjollofnever noise. That was our cue to put off the computer and act like we were studying or doing something else (praying, cleaning, dancing … anything).
Not always though. Sometimes it would be my mom who had been slaving away at two jobs to make ends meet for us. Taking a bus then a transfer since we did not have a car for a few months when we first came to ‘Murica, the land of flowing honey and an orange man who grabs the “ting” or a woman’s “there” (shoutout to my Africans whose parents say ‘private part’ or ‘there’ to avoid saying the words.)
Watching my parents go from jet setting to getting by was a hard pill to swallow. My dad worked during the day and my mom at night just so someone could be home with the kids at some point during our day. Sacrifice. I remember going ‘grocery shopping’ with my dad one time where we literally walked 45 minutes to the store and back.
Shoutout to Extra Supermarket in East Orange. The walk there was not so bad. The walk back with at least three bags in each hand was BRUTAL! Dad, thank you.
I guess now you are beginning to know my story #nowizkid (see what I did there). Shoutout to my people that get the reference.
Sounds like you need help saying my surname, Miss
Tried to communicate
But everyday is like another episode of Everybody Hates Chris
Shoutout to Luvvie for jogging my memory and prompting me to write this with your status, boss. Crazy how we both landed in this country at nine years old!
You people that continue to show up unannounced in 2017 we are judging your life!
#naijanodeycarrylastexceptwhenitcomestojollofrice
Until next time! Peace, love, and Ghana jollof.
