THE MONSTER WITHIN
As a kid I was afraid of the monster under my bed.
Every night, before falling asleep, I looked under the bed, assuring myself nothing was there. Yet, I would not let my arms or legs hang over the edge sure if I did the monster would take me. When my arms or legs did fall I would instinctively move them back under the sheets and move as close to the center of the bed as possible.
I was safe there.
As I grew older, the fear of the monster under the bed faded. I found myself able to sleep with either my arms or legs hanging over the edge of the bed, sometimes taking comfort in the feel of the floor beneath my fingertips. No monster existed to devour me.
It was all in my head.
As kids our imaginations run wild, anything is possible. Ghosts, vampires, werewolves, other terrible monsters really exist. We dream we can accomplish anything we want. Want to be a pro athlete, rock star, best selling author, fireman, policeman, doctor, lawyer? All of that and more is possible. Somehow though as we age the ability to dream big fades, consumed by what many call reality. I like to refer it to as the monster within, that slowly feeds on our dreams, killing them before they become reality. That monster has a name: Self-Doubt.
How often are we excited to start a new endeavor as an adult? It can be anything from saying I am going to train and run a marathon. I am going to learn to play the guitar. I am going to lose 50 pounds this year. I am going to pursue my dream of becoming a writer. I am going to learn a foreign language. Or any of a thousand different dreams any of us have.
My dream is to become a paid writer.
What stops us? Why haven’t I reached my dream yet?
We start out strong, researching, buying those running shoes, purchasing a guitar, investing in some writing courses, join a diet program, investing in learning a foreign language class. Motivated and energized we go all in on our adventure. Slowly things change. First it is easy to get out of our new routine, it is raining out, one day off won’t hurt. We make little excuses to procrastinate, justify putting of pursuing our dream. Our passion still exists, but motivation wanes.
Why?
Self-doubt is the answer. Convincing ourselves of our limitations, not our potential we give up. I am not in shape to run. I don’t have dexterity in my fingers to play the guitar and I have no musical talent. Personally, my monster tells me since I have no specialized talent to write about as I am not in Finance, IT, Healthcare, Fitness, Travel, etc… I have nothing of value to contribute and should give up. The monster never truly reveals itself, instead it creeps in life’s everyday moments.
As self-doubt creeps in, life takes over, as our commitments take on more importance than our dreams. This can be anything from spending time with family and friends, our job, catching up on that tv show, taking care of the lawn and other household chores. Any excuse we can come up with, we will use to justify putting off our pursuit. When we started, we were consistent, but as we make excuses and don’t find time, that consistency wanes until it stops. The monster has destroyed another dream.
Well intentioned family and friends often feed the dragon of self-doubt. Under the guise of our best interest, we hear you can’t do that, you never ran a day in your life, you have no musical talent, it is a scam, you can’t make money doing that, what makes you think you will be the one to succeed? We don’t question where they come from, they care for us. We take their advice and give up, we were already questioning ourselves, right?
The big question is how do we defeat this ugly monster in our heads? As the famous Nike slogan reads: Just Do It. Find time to pursue your passion and dream and act on it if it if it is truly important to you. As another quote goes, :”Damn the torpedoes, full steam ahead.”
When we start off with a dream, we have an idea where we want to finish, but often have no idea where to start. We can get too comfortable gathering information, researching whatever it is, paralyzed by the fact we don’t know enough to make it work. This is another way that our self-doubt immobilizes us. How do we overcome this paralysis? The best advice I have seen comes from on of the world’s leaders in sales training and motivation speakers; Grant Cardone. He preaches the following
- Commit to every opportunity you are give
- Then show up and figure it out.
We slay the monster of self-doubt with commitment and persistence, taking on the challenges as they arise, even if we don’t know how to overcome them at the start. For example, I want to become a paid writer. To make this work I need to take on any assignment I can get, even though I may have no idea how to do it. Then in the time allowed do the research and get it done.
Right now my monster is SCREAMING in my head not to publish this, remembering the scene in CARRIE, where her mom is yelling at her “they are all going to laugh at you” as she gets ready for the prom. Maybe you are laughing at me, I don’t care, it does not matter. If you are reading this, I succeeded in taking one step in slaying my monster. No one said it would be easy, in fact if it was easy everyone would do it.
I wish you the best in luck in slaying your monster as you pursue your dreams, whatever they are.
