New Beginnings in 40s
I am 40 years old and for more than half of my life I have been a computer scientist. That is how I have always defined myself. I write code, I design large scale systems, I write papers to describe those systems — I am a computer guy.
Things started to change for me in 2020. Two pretty big things happened, and they intensified my search for a purpose in life. Up until then, search for a purpose was an intellectual exercise. But 2020 forced me to intentionally look for a purpose. So, what happened in 2020? I went through a divorce, which made me depressed and anxious, and I had to put in lot of hard work to get out of that state. And, as I am sure you know, covid-19 happened. While, I wasn’t exposed to the disease, the work-from-home (WFH) aspect of it had an unexpected impact on me. WFH made me realize that a lot of what I did at work wasn’t something that I enjoyed or something that gave my life purpose; it was something that helped me win adulation from my peers and superioirs. It sounds simple and small. But, if you have been going to work everyday, it’s pretty hard to figure out why you are doing what you are doing. WFH was like waking up from a deep sleep and realizing what the hell am I doing?
Around November 2020 my search for a purpose-full life was in full swing. But, where to start? I was always curious about psychology/psychiatry, and I had recent, painful, first-hand experience with depression and anxiety. So I decided to focus on mental illness. But, how? I have no background in anything even remotely related psychology/pscyhiatry. I am a computer guy, remember? I have lived a past life as a senior software engineer at Amazon. Things move really fast at Amazon, and that taught me one very valuable lesson: when faced with the question where to start, just start anywhere. It doesnt really matter what you do. Just get started. Soon enough you will make the connections that you need.
I started with wearables (smart watches, rings,smart glasses etc). I started reading papers, books, presentations — anything that I could find — that would help me understand how wearables can help in detecting depression and anxiety. While I didnt find too many answers for my question, the exercise helped me come up with some ideas where computer science can help with diagnosis, management and tracking of mental illness. As I dug deeper, I started classifying innovations in the area into 2 very broad categories: behavioral and biological. Behavioral innovations mostly involve technologies that help improve human behavior via therapy (e.g., talkspace). Biological innovations use biology and technology to alleviate mental illness (e.g., Alto Neuroscience).
I found biological innovations really intriguing and fascinating. I also learned that these innovations are grouped under a umbrella term: precision psychiatry. But, I was stuck once again. Last time I took biology was in high school almost 23 years ago. At this point I had built enough context about the field to know that I needed to take a structured and disciplined approach to maximize my efficiency. The most structured and disciplined approach to learn something new is to take classes.
I started looking around where I could take classes that would teach me the core of psychology/psychiatry. There are masters and Ph.D. programs that teach psychology, obviously. But, how would I get in? I have no background in psychology, remember? Coursera was another option, but I am not a big fan of it. Coursera lacks the community aspect of learning, which I really need to become a better learner. Luckily, I found the Harvard Extension School (HES). HES catalog is extensive. I took “Foundations on Neuroscience” over the summer of 2021 and found it really really interesting. I am now planning on pursuing a ALM (psychology) degree through HES to take the courses that I think will help me in figuring out how computer science can help mental illness.
In the end, I want to convey that to live a life of purpose, one has to be intentional. But, that’s only the beginning. Then you have to find out what is your purpose. You and only you can answer that question. I have enjoyed the process that I have been through. I hope yours turns out to be a memorable one as well.
