Integrity and why things fall apart
Do you ever look at your life and wonder why things are falling apart when you feel so aligned?
You’re working out, meditating, and even eating clean but for some reason, money, relationships or even your career just feels off…
The other day I spoke with an old client who’s been in the middle of a divorce for what feels like the last two years…could be three at this point. Yikes.
He booked in a session with me to get clear on why he was struggling to find a new relationship and why his financial situation was in disarray.
This is precisely WHY people call me: to get clear and back into flow.
Everyone around him was pushing their opinions and agendas without hearing both sides of the story. He called me because he needed a dose of reality that no one around him was willing to give.
We started off discussing his beliefs about being a man, a husband, a father, and a provider. Often times, we can un-clutch the resistance by getting clear on the meanings and titles we have taken on as reality.
As soon we dug deeper into the role HE played in this failed marriage, he began talking about his wife’s lack of desire to change or care for her own health.
Now, from my perspective as a coach, his reaction is one of my favorites as it shows me EXACTLY where the blockage is…
He completely changed the subject, unconsciously, to draw my attention onto her faults and deflect from his.
The funny thing is, ALL of my clients do this when they are afraid of seeing their part in the co-creative process.
Now, knowing what I know about Law of Attraction and Universal Laws, in a nutshell, his dialogue was saying to me: if she hadn’t done what she did/didn’t do, we wouldn’t be getting divorced.
But wait a minute, I thought.
Who saw the red flags long ago?
Who knew it was destined to fail from the start?
Who went through with the relationship despite the clear signs of doom?
She was the same person she’d always been.
He is the one who changed.
And now that they were finally separating, his ego couldn’t accept the fact that in the end he chose to preserve his own sanity over the failing marriage.
In this case, he did the same thing so many of us do when making a tough choice- we work to make the other person SO wrong that we feel we have “no other choice” but to leave.
When it comes to moments of conflict, if we’re not clear in how WE are contributing to the issue, we’ll use victim consciousness to dictate the outcome of the situation…
Feeling powerless and forced to choose something we don’t like or want.
For example, after I graduated culinary school, I was recruited by three different employers over a two year period. I didn’t know my worth enough to say “this is a good step in the right direction for my career” and leave it at that.
Instead, I had to look for conflict in my current job as the cause for me leaving.
What sucks most about this- it sends a signal to the universe that ease and grace are not aligned with what we believe we are worthy of.
And if you keep pandering to this mindset, what you get is a life full of default choices where you are stuck between a rock and hard place all the time with only ONE choice to make and it’s purely for survival…not abundance.
It’s the most powerful way of giving over up your power of choice!
Day after day, you’ll become so programmed to letting life make the choices for you that you won’t trust yourself to find another way out.
His blame toward her signaled he had lost conscious control over his choices, hence, his choices lacked power and decisiveness…hence…he lost his power to intentionally manifest the experience of abundance.
It’s no wonder his love and financial lives were crumbling.
He couldn’t give himself permission to celebrate his own power of choice.
And as a result, he created self-inflicted punishment in the form of scarcity and lack of companionship to validate he was the victim.
If you’re stuck, I would invite you to look at where your power has gone.
If you blame, curse, or shame another for their part in making you feel you have no choice, then you’ve not only given them your power to choose, you’ve surrendered your ability to manifest what you want in life with clarity.
Take your power back.
Stop the blame.
And start living your life with clear intention that YOU are in control of your choices.
This is the ONLY way to live a truly fulfilled life.
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About the author:
Alida is an Intuitive Life Strategist, student of comparative religions, and co-owner of Mind Soul Fit OC in Newport Beach, CA. Her coaching company, Ambassador for Goodness, hosts various workshops on mindfulness, spiritual entrepreneurship, intuitive eating, art therapy, and relationship success
