Is your tribe holding you back?
If you take a look around and you notice you’re the smartest person in the room, you need a new group of friends.
I first heard this from one of my first millionaire mentors and it stuck with me ever since…
Why did I give in to playing small in life?
Why was I so adamant about being the smart one?
Why was I afraid of being challenged in my beliefs?
What was I hiding from?
During my adolescent and teen years I was bitter, angry and depressed. I was drawn to people I felt I could save because well, I saw in them what I felt in myself.
I was drawn to these people because I pitied them the way I pitied myself.
They became my tribe…and I fed this tribe with my vital life force energy each and every day in hopes of raising them up to a state of healing. I convinced myself that it was my job to help them and with that, they proved they ‘needed’ me to survive.
My false courage, a distorted sense of warrior mentality, became a fight I took up that I’d never win. I became a champion, always racing to the rescue to protect my people.
All the while pretending that the real war had nothing to do with me or my internal state of being. In fact, it was me vs me all along and they were just a facade, blinding me to my truth.
And if YOU are still trying to save those around you who seem to never try and save themselves, PLEASE, read on and take this message to heart!
Feeders will always find feeders so don’t assume you’re special just because someone is feeding on you.
I began surrounding myself with people who I willingly held myself back for.
If I ever grew too much, they’d let me know with their odd and random comments of support…
“Don’t work too hard…”
“You know men can’t be trusted…”
“I tried that and it’s a scam…”
I never questioned their opinions. In fact, I let them shape me.
More afraid of losing my tribe than finding a new one, I held myself down, captive to the fears of uncertainty we all possessed.
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?
Those who appear to be your friends while holding you back in fear of losing you are more your enemies than friends.
Over the holiday weekend I had a talk with a dear relative who expressed her fear in being alone. She is stuck in this same pattern I so painstakingly invested in so many years ago. Day after day she’ll sacrifice to support those who choose not to help themselves, all in hopes of assuring SHE will never have to be without support “when she needs it.”
How do you go about explaining to someone who is stuck in that mindset that there’s another way?
What got me through was this concept:
I am the creator of my life. What I experience on the inside is reflected on the outside. I can choose who and what I want to invest my time, energy, money and attention to. By consciously investing in things that uplift me, rather than hold me down, I’m investing in my bliss AND my future bliss instead of my own demise.
But even that logic didn’t sink in by just hearing it.
I had to FEEL it. I had to give myself permission to experiment with it. And then the bigger reality hit me…
If I finally gave myself permission to feel better, I’d have to admit that ALL those years I spent suffering were by MY choice, unconscious or not.
Hence, no one to blame but me.
I was solely responsible for making life MUCH harder than it had to be for all those years.
Easy to blame those around you for being so sick that you had to stay back and help them.
Not so easy to see that you’re really enabling them in their addiction TO the dis-ease of their consciousness.
When I work with clients who are stuck in enabling themselves, and others, in these patterns, I work to get to the root of where the people pleasing patterns first started AND to begin reprogramming the mind around putting oneself first FOR the sake of helping others.
That’s a tough nut to crack, let me tell you.
Clients fear being selfish on the surface while secretly fear being abandoned on the inside.
The crazy part…
We don’t realize how much we hold others back by holding ourselves back.
That is, until we finally shine our light so bright that it inspires others to take notice and action.
We as humans have to believe it first in order to see it manifest. But until one of us takes the plunge, we all sit back in fear that it’s not possible.
It’s like the first time the 4 minute mile record was broken by Roger Bannister. Up to that point in time, every expert believed that the human body could not exceed that particular speed…yet ONE guy breaks the record then EVERYONE changes their minds.
Or the story of Columbus’ ships…
When his ships came to the Americas, the village Shaman saw ripples on the waves in unusual patterns. He’d never seen a ship before and definitely not the ripples in these patterns so the ships were not visible within his consciousness. He stayed on the shore, staring into the horizon, until the ships appeared seemingly out of thin air.
When he finally saw them he told the villagers about them. Since they trusted him they were able to see the ships too.
Courageous enough to challenge our own beliefs, crazy enough to not believe our own limitations, and ballsy enough to act on this limitless mindset. THIS is the way of the true warrior.
A good leader will lead by example, doing the tough stuff no one else will, in order to show how it’s done.
A false leader will try to inspire others by logic and reason while deep inside they are trying to not step on anyone’s toes with their potential success.
So as you prepare for the new year and begin dreaming of all those resolutions you’ll be setting, please consider this one thing:
Do NOT under any circumstances play small enough to keep others happy.
If your dreams are too big for those around you, F* em. And I say that with the most incredible love possible. Truly. It’s your courage to act on your outlandish dreams that will inspire others to grow in their own ways OR simply move out of your life.
Set goals SO big that you can’t help but to grow.
Don’t wait till the end of 2018 to realize you have wasted yet another year watching your dreams go un-lived.
If this message hit home for you, please comment, share, or message me and tell me what it triggered in you. I’d love to hear your feedback and stories!
If you’re in the OC area THIS FRIDAY, December 29th, I’m hosting an evening event called Vulnerability IS Power. It’s an introductory workshop highlighting the power of emotions as tools for creating a dream life. If you or someone you know has experienced trauma and now battles with unresolved emotional patterns, this workshop will support the healing process by helping to reprogram the perceptions around the experience. Meditation and group Reiki will also be included in the evening ❤ You can find out more about it here.
About the author:
Alida is an Intuitive Life Strategist with over 13 years in the coaching industry. After conquering obesity, chronic illness and depression, she devoted her life to helping others find clarity and purpose in authentic self expression. She’s the founder of Ambassador for Goodness and Co-Founder of Mind Soul Fit OC.