So I’m a HUGE control freak…
Growing up was tough at times. Like most children, I had my fair share of trauma, family deaths, parental conflicts, and fear. And also like most, those traumatic times created an extreme need for control over my surroundings in order to feel safe.
I became an introvert, stayed home as much as possible, and gorged myself in food to avoid having to speak to people or face reality. I developed a thick, defensive skin in hopes of preventing myself from being hurt again.
And while I avoided any and all conflicts like the plague, I was combative, aggressively opinionated and confrontational when it came to anything that might challenge my fortress.
Every potentially offensive comment was like a personal slap in the face…even if it had nothing to do with me.
I was a wreck and my weight, depression, chronic illness and self image showed every last ugly bit of it. The truth is, I was too broken in my beliefs to realize that I could actually change the situation.
Even if my inner vibe was whack…
Hey, don’t break my vibe, yo!
It’s all for self-preservation- comfort in the face of change.
I had a client once express to me that she was pissed off at her husband…
Apparently he’d made plans with her then changed them at the last minute to even better plans but because they weren’t the original plans, she felt completely blindsided.
Honestly, I had to giggle inside.
I was that way too and knew exactly how she felt.
How do you respond to changes that others make on your behalf?
A- get pissed off that plans changed at a moment’s notice and you were not consulted to veto said changes
B- go with the flow because life is always an adventure?
I was A all the way! I wasn’t just pissed…I BOILED inside.
And it didn’t matter how amazing the new plan was or how epic the outcome. I was more focused on the change in plans because the change required me to be spontaneously out of my comfort zone.
There were even moments where I’d make myself sick from the stress of resisting fun and protest in true passive aggressive form.
Unbeknownst to me…
I had a subconscious desire to inflict suffering on those who made the changes. 😤
And it always came down to one thing: safety.
I needed to know exactly how things would go down so I knew what to expect and have the option to prepare for anything…or…worry ahead of time about everything.
Which was my usual MO.
I blamed them for not keeping me safe which looked on the surface like I was afraid of allowing myself to relax and go with the flow.
What we all really battle with is the fear of uncertainty AND vulnerability in trusting someone to have our backs when we need it the most. We worry about the smallest things on the surface but deep in the depths of our soul, we battle with letting ourselves even feel or experience pleasure.
I often express to clients that this trait does not have to be one of doom but can in fact be one that creates great things.
Simply because we aim to control everything does not mean we cannot truly have control. It means that in the current state of fear, we are aiming to control others while in an uplifted state of courage, we aim to master ourselves.
Control projected outwardly creates a state of mind where you wait for others to prove you can’t trust them, validating your belief that only YOU can get things done the ‘right’ way.
…you still don’t take ownership or action for the execution of the plans because you’re too afraid to fail and be seen failing.
Control projected internally creates discipline and responsibility to communicate your needs effectively and execute the plan as a team.
Now, when plans change, I look for the blessings…
What bad things might have happened if we stuck to the OG plans?
What can I now do that I would not have been able to do before?
How many memories can I create on this new adventure?
How blessed am I to have people who love me enough to want to make the experience better?
Why do I care to take this approach?
Because I want to be in control of how I feel about the situation instead of being a victim to it!
Perspective is everything and when you learn to trust yourself with mastery of over your own emotional response, you realize that trusting others is never an issue.
Discipline is the ultimate level of control! It shows you just how powerful and intentional you can be.
The more disciplined you become, the easier and more graceful life can and will be simply because your vibrational energy is aligned with greatness.
You will always attract more of what you project and if you are a control freak, being in control of yourself first will attract that same amazingness to you with ease and grace! ❤
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If you love control like I do, there's something you need to know...self mastery and control of your own actions will…anchor.fm
About the author:
Alida is an Intuitive Life Strategist, student of comparative religions, and co-owner of Mind Soul Fit OC in Newport Beach, CA. Her coaching company, Ambassador for Goodness, hosts various workshops on mindfulness, spiritual entrepreneurship, intuitive eating, art therapy, and relationship success. This blog is also a podcast called Wisdom Nuggets and can be found on iTunes, Anchor, Google Play Music, Overcast and Pocketcasts.