What You Care About Most Controls Your Mind…
Do you ever catch yourself being paralyzed by fear? It’s called analysis paralysis.
When I was a kid, it was my daily pattern. I regularly gave in to fears, convinced that something bad would happen if I took action in the wrong way. I never thought to look at a positive outcome because I never gave myself permission to seek one out.
Paralyzed by the illusion that I would fail no matter what kept me playing and replaying scenarios of failure in my head. And all because I was laser focused on failure as the ONLY option.
But what if I fail?!?!
My clients often come to a coaching session with a challenge: they are seeing only the outcomes that match their fears. So stuck in the potential failures, they replay these frustrating situations over and over again in their minds with no room for seeing the situation from another perspective.
In these moments, I get to be creatively visual in order to challenge their views and expand their mind with what’s truly possible.
One of my favorite parts of being a coach is this expansion of belief!
When I first began my coaching career in 2004, I realized my gift: I’m able to see past the outer facade that someone believes is their identity, into their higher potential, and systematically pull them into greatness. This could not have happened had I not done this for myself…and it required me to STOP overthinking the failures and start exploring potential successes.
I had to learn to have fun with the creative process of life, ending my life-long relationship with the old, stale, and outdated mental programming I’d grown to know so well.
So now when a client comes to me with a fear or doubt or worry, we explore other ways to observe the situation while enticing them take a child-like, playful approach to resolution. We look at various beliefs that are contributing to their experience and change the rules of the game a bit in order to achieve a new outcome.
It’s pretty rad actually!
Why you’re stuck…
I posted an audio clip on Anchor this morning about how we are stuck in our power to choose success. Reason: an unconscious, internal dialogue that goes like this…
Fear: Hey, remember that thing you don’t want to happen? Eventhough it hasn’t happened yet…it can! You should let me take the wheel again today so you can be safe.
You: Okay Fear, you’ve gotten really good at making choices for me in the past and have helped me to play it safe. Why don’t you go ahead and keep making these choices so I know what to expect today, k?
Fear: Great! Glad to hear you agree. Besides, you know you can’t be trusted…I mean, look at your track record! You always give up, you can’t stay committed and you always sabotage yourself anyway. Just keep that in mind while I make the tough decisions so you don’t have to think about getting it wrong this time, k?
You: You’re right! I can’t be trusted. I’m such a failure. I need to be more careful so I don’t make any mistakes.
Crappy, isn’t it? And you are doing this EVERYTIME you let fear have power over your ability to choose.
If you want to create change, you have to change this dialogue.
If you are on the Anchor app and want to hear my daily posts, just search out my full name there and you’ll find me ;)
Being careful vs being care-full
Have you ever seen a parent who is constantly telling their child to “be careful,” when you KNOW they are just being overly protective? Maybe that’s you. lol
This is our fear speaking, NOT our higher self and success potential.
We have grown to be so CAREFUL to avoid failure that we stopped CARING about success. Our fear of being judged keeps us caring more about avoidance than about standing in our greatness. Flooded by fear, we hide from our true potential, justifying our inactivity with the illusions of what “could” happen.
It feels easier for us to give our choosing power over to fear as we’ve formed a life and identity based on NOT taking action toward our dreams. With this conditioned mindset, how do we ever hope to take our power back?
A new dialogue to start your day would look something like this:
You: AH! Today is a new day. I don’t really like the choices Fear made for me yesterday so I think I’ll take the wheel today.
Fear: But…but…but…have you forgotten that I make the decisions around here?
You: Yeah, I know…worry…doubt…yahdah yahdah…it’s the same story everyday! My life is REALLY boring and horrifically painful when you’re in control and I don’t think I want to live like that anymore.
Fear: But I keep you safe!
You: Exactly. You say that, but I’m always suffering emotionally. How is that helping me? AND in the end, you also keep me from succeeding anyway! Seriously, what’s the worst that could happen if I make my own decisions from now on?
Fear: People won’t like you! Look at you! You’re fat…people will bully you. You’re broke…people will see that and won’t want to be around you! You won’t follow through…because you never do. You’re a total failure! You’ll just give up like you always do and then come crying back to me to save you!
You: And? What if I try this time and actually succeed?! Even IF I fall down or make a mistake…My face won’t melt off. My head won’t roll off. Yeah, I think I’m good from now on. The choice is now in my hands. Besides, I never follow through because YOU are the one making the decisions. I fail because YOU make the decision to avoid success. I would LIKE to follow through, lose weight, and succeed, but can’t do that when you’re in control soooo, I think it’s time we break up.
You: Suck it up buttercup! It’s time to explore what I’m truly capable of. Now get out of my way so I can do this already!!
Would your life be different if you could talk to fear in this way?
What would you do differently if you knew that fear was no longer in control?
The key to success is in your ability to CARE about your success more than you care about your fear of failure.
If you have a big enough why, you’ll find that the path seems small in comparison. Where you are now is a smaller version of you than you will be once you have achieved a big goal. If you projected yourself into that future self, you’d see a MUCH bigger picture, MORE opportunities and far less fear than you have now.
If I look at a goal of touching 500 lives with my message from a place of unworthiness or fear of judgement, all I’ll see is how I can fail. I’ll see how few resources I have access to now, how untrained and broke I am.
BUT, if I look further into the future and put myself into my future self’s shoes, I see how many people stepped up to join my mission, how many opportunities came my way because I said yes, and how my work paved the way to build schools in third-world countries. That future self now does work that impacts the global community.
My idea of touching 500 lives becomes more of a necessary stepping stone rather than the end result.
That 500 seems a bit easier when your REAL goal is impact a world of over 7,125,000,000 people, right?
It takes a shift in consciousness from where you are now to being the ultimate observer…you leave your body and current limited self in order to see the situation from outside of your current limits. What you truly care about from that expansive state of mind is SO much bigger than your current problems that it seems like your current self is as small as an ant.
Your process for shifting from that repetitive fear-based focus to seeing opportunity everywhere is this:
1- place your hand over your heart and close your eyes
2- focus on the feelings and sensations of abundance and gratitude
3- imagine your current life is playing out on a movie screen on the backs of your eyelids
4- begin shifting that movie to play out different potential approaches, responses and outcomes in a playful manner
5- explore what could happen when choosing a proactive instead of reactive response to circumstances
6- have fun and be playful!
This process is a simple and easy way to get back in touch with your higher potential for success AND to reframe the dialogue with fear to take your power back.
If you have questions on this piece or would like to suggest topics for future articles, please contact me at email@example.com :) Thanks for reading!!