You trust someone. They hurt you. You blame them for hurting you and now your ego is crushed…or is it?
While it’s easy to identify with the pain, and easy to form a new belief about ‘always attracting people who take advantage of you,’ the reality is your ego has now been strengthened to move you unconsciously. Without being conscious of how this is all happening, you’ll be sideswiped by your own emotional reactions.
So here’s the thing-
Your brain is conditioned to notice things that prove it’s system of beliefs. If you feel like a victim, you will be. If you feel like you always attract losers, you will. If you feel like you never do anything right, you won’t. The brain’s literal purpose is to make reality of the beliefs we hold about reality.
If you’re running on auto-pilot, it will be easy to blame something outside of yourself for your demise. Take a look at the first time you remember being out of control of your own life. Who was there? What happened? How did you react? What beliefs did you form because of it?
Until you become aware of the inner workings of this game, you’ll spend more time sabotaging your own efforts than you will succeeding. You’ll be so out of control of your own life that you will literally, and unknowingly choosing failure every time.
Success starts first within the mind.
Someone you admire does something that inspires you to see a new perspective. In that moment, you become aware that your limits have been holding you back. You catch a small glimpse of faith in what you CAN achieve rather than focusing on what you can’t. For a moment, or even a day, you feel like you are capable and almost unstoppable. Because of this rush you feel inspired to learn more about this new path and begin to dream BIG…
But in a flash, ‘reality’ hits, or at least what you THINK is realistic. Your ego kicks in and activates your good ole’ survival protocols…
“Yeah that’s great but, you’re not smart enough to do that!”
“That kind of good luck is only for those ‘other people.’ You will never be that lucky.”
“Don’t forget how badly you failed last time. It would be safer to not take that big of a risk, or any risk, for that matter.”
“What if your friends and family don’t believe in you? They’ll think you are crazy!”
These beliefs may or may not be conscious. Conscious, you have a fighting chance at overcoming the limiting beliefs. Unconscious, they show up in the form of blame as you attract others who validate these beliefs. Your internal dialogue is mirrored in your relationships with others.
Have you ever acted out BECAUSE someone behaved badly first? Have you ever been triggered by someone who cut you off on the freeway after YOU left the house late? Have you ever been pissed off at a boss who called you out when you didn’t give 100% effort to the job to begin with? Have you ever felt like your partner does everything to trigger you purposefully yet you are too afraid to speak up about your needs?
To clear this, we must get right with how we are playing our own game. Rules of the game may have been previously created by our conditioned beliefs, but now you’re ready to take ownership of the playbook.
Review your current relationships or past relationships that have uncleared baggage. What experiences have you held onto that define who you think you are? How do you respond to others when you feel triggered? What have you been resistant to forgiving in others?
THIS is where you will find your power is hiding, or shall I say, where you have unconsciously hidden your power.
In other words, where you still perceive yourself AS the victim is where you gave away your power. The longer you hold a person in blame, the more energy you have going out to that pain and the less you have access to shift your life for the better. By blaming them for your hurt, and refusing to let go of your victimhood, you assume you have no power to release the pain.
But this is YOUR game. Why would you give up your ability to think clearly, make conscious choices, and create successful habits simply because someone hurt you back in the day? You’re better than that! Spreading your brain power between past hurt and current problem solving will only slow you down or stop you from moving forward completely. This happens in relationships, business, financial conditions, and even in health.
Success doesn’t happen in your life at the hand of another. You must be committed with conviction to take ownership for every one of your actions and beliefs. Eliminate all possible energetic drains to make brain space for deeper thinking.
A personal note
When I was a very young child, I was exposed to sex by some older kids multiple times over a few years. The adult with me during those times was made aware of what was happening behind closed doors but did not do anything to prevent it.
While I spent years blaming all parties, I found that my entire identity was based on feeling like a victim. It turned out that I was giving that belief FULL POWER over my ability to choose healthy foods vs junk foods, to stay fit vs being a couch potato, to honor myself vs sabotage myself, and even just to be happy vs being clinically depressed.
One day, I realized the older kids were probably exposed to sex by someone else and stopped being angry with them. Doesn’t mean it was right or wrong, it just was what it was. I stopped blaming the grown up who turned the other cheek as I knew they didn’t know how to be response-able. They had spent their entire life worrying about how people viewed them and struggled more to resolve their own insecurities than they did to serve others.
So, I forgave everyone with the understanding that they did the best they could with the tools and resources they had at the time. How can I expect people to know what I needed for the highest good when they didn’t even know this about themselves?
Forgiveness IS the fastest way to take back your power.
Every time I brought myself back to that pain, I let go of my power and gave in to suffering. Every time I denied myself the ability to choose a new perception, I denied my potential to feel empowered. The life I had created reflected ‘everyone always hurts me,’ ‘nobody has my best interests at heart, so trust no one,’ and ‘I am unworthy of love.”
Once I figured out that I was REALLY powerful, I learned that I needed to take back every ounce of power I’d given away in order to focus on being great in the world.
Success is a by-product of our capacity to put our nose to the grindstone and grind away despite the actions, beliefs and distractive measures of fear. To truly tap into the infinite intelligence of our soul, we have to stop holding onto the baggage and make room for the greatness. Instead of playing the game the way the world tells you to, make your own rules.
Think for yourself. Stop accepting mediocre. BE who YOU need to be no matter what the conditions. Geniuses have mastered the art of focus. Be that genius and you’ll become a true Game Master.
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