Herd of Wars
Drowning oneself in a pit of addictive substances would be nice. I’m thinking of overdosing. Of running away from what I’ve accustomed to live with and burn with valiums and meths. These daydreams are just one of my nonchalant balderdashes and I’m not supposed to let myself thrive in them. One said, a country’s integration would reinforce if the people possess the audacity to prevent each other from causing tantrums and harms. But no, in the end most of us only care about our own wellbeing and hey, egocentrism has become nothing whimsical these days. No one would give a fuck to lend a hand to someone full of flaws and distortions even if they’re dying in distraught. I wanna go on a LSD trip. I wanna overdose as easily as psychedelic rock musicians do. I’ve learned to grow up as a person who shows less emotions in order to survive and it leads me to get even more bewildered about what am I. People around me are fucking static. Fucking stagnant. They care about the same things all the time, over and over again. I don’t blame them, probably it’s because of the way they were raised. But no one has ever cared enough about the fact that it’s more important to prevent our surroundings from getting hurt than to worship static shitholes such as our conformist education system, our fundamentalist government, and deceitful emotion that they deem as love whereas it’s not even perpetual nor inherent. Anarchists have never wanted violence, but they are often misunderstood. They fucking want peace and liberation. Well, maybe certain groups of anarchists do propagate violence, though, just like the collectivist anarchism that Mikhail Bakunin pioneered ― but then again the propaganda by the deed that anarchism contrived is a form of revolting for the sake of obtaining peace and in the end it’s just the same as wanting to reach peace, in a more coercive way. As the heart of anarcho pacifism movement Leo Tolstoy manifested a way of thinking that coercion isn’t the most profound way to reach the state of peace, but then again, the concept of peace has become somehow utopian for most people. We fight all the time don’t we? Revolutionaries and reactionaries; right wingers and left wingers; creationists and nonbelievers; privileged groups and marginalized groups ― what the fuck do you want? All these never ending polemics have made the concept of peace get more and more idealistic and even utopian as the time goes.
We create new atrocities everyday. Making reinforcement to the society in a way that revolts against the wellbeing of ourselves. I personally think that there are inevitable, unchangeable sides of ours that stay within us forever. If it’s a good side then we would most likely live in concord. But if it’s a bad side then it’s a curse. It is not thoroughly true that we can change the society by changing ourselves into another person we’re not. Well, maybe we can introspect and improve some sides but each one of us have our own inevitable sides that we can’t change. Some people are born to live notoriously, and are compelled to live through it forever. Some even are oblivious to the fact that they possess a notorious reputation all these time. People get shocked by a lot of things that are considered discrepant and stigmatic to the society, but as for me, not anymore. Nothing surprises me these days but that doesn’t really mean I don’t care. I don’t want to be one of those pricks who overreact at everything but actually do nothing about it. I just want to change the circumstances by stealth. It’s true that we would only receive kindness from common people if we’re privileged and born with qualities that match the society’s standard. I think we’re all fucked up in our own ways. We’re all reprobate creatures that live through unauthorized distortions. We are all shimmering as knights in shining armor in our own ways. Finding enemies along the way never surprises me but finding earnest allies does. In the end I’ll live as my own wolfpack and succumb myself to exhaustion.