I am a Woman. You are a Trans Woman. And That Distinction Matters.

There is so much disinformation here, and so many wrongful assumptions about trans lives. Where do I even begin….?

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First issue: Transgender people are somehow only trans women. Nobody has ever been transgender and had a vagina.

“ There should be safe spaces for everyone, but don’t ask for trans only safe spaces and then also try to force your way into woman only spaces.”

So here’s the most common assumption we see on the regular: That all transgender people are transgender women. Transgender spaces are never inclusive to say, transgender men, or nonbinary people, or bigender people.

Transgender spaces aren’t centered around what your exact identity are, what’s going on in your pants, how you present as, or what you were assigned at birth. They’re centered around being transgender. Men can be transgender. Women can be transgender. People who choose to be neither men nor women can be transgender. You aren’t being excluded from these spaces because you have a vagina. You’re being excluded from these spaces because you are not transgender, a category you can belong to regardless of whether or not you have a vagina.

(Pretty much every queer group welcomes allies, too, out of legal obligation— maybe there’s a reason you aren’t considered an ally?)

Finally: You spend so much time writing furiously about the inherent “cis womanhood” of having a vagina…do you also think that trans men are somehow “natal women” because of their vaginas?

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Second issue: Trans women, somehow, aren’t oppressed because of our bodies not conforming to sexist standards of femininity?

“I am being forced to see my own body as only sexual every fucking day when I get catcalled or try to go online dating. I am forced to either conform to men’s standards on my body or risk being ostracized by them. Even choosing not to wear makeup, even choosing not to want motherhood, brands me as not woman enough.”

People questioning your womanhood because of how much or how little you want sex, because of your appearance, or because of body standards? Welcome to the same experience trans women have! All trans women deal with this oppressive standard of femininity too, and the response to it is often more severe than for cis women. We are beaten, fired from our jobs, denied apartments, people sic the police on us, and much more.

“[…]while women constantly still deal with being sent dick pics, and being flashed, and forced to see penises when we never consented to. As a rape survivor this can be especially difficult for me.”

Do you…somehow think trans women don’t have to put up with being flashed? Do you think trans women never get raped for being women? That they also aren’t capable of being traumatized by the sight of a penis?

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Third issue: Difference at birth as justification for segregation.

So let me set aside your erasive, harmful, and transphobic (not even to trans women — to trans men!) assumption that “transgenders” are solely trans women. I’m going to focus on this other idea — “difference.”

I agree on one thing. Transgender women are, in many ways and experiences, different from cisgender women. A woman who’s born into a poor or rich family will also have different experiences. A woman who’s born black will have a different experience than a woman who’s born white. Yet, we consider it classist when rich women exclude poor women, and racist when white women exclude black women. Obviously, you don’t create “white women” only spaces or “rich women” only spaces. Why? Because it’s discrimination to exclude those women for being born a certain way.

This leaves two cases:

  1. You don’t think trans women are women. This is transphobic.
  2. You think trans women should be segregated because of their birth status. This is also transphobic.

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The final issue: Trans women are pressuring me to sleep with them!

I don’t know where this bizarre, self-congratulating, self-centric idea from cisgender women comes from. So let me say this loud and clear:

Saying👏Shit👏Like👏This👏Makes👏None👏Of👏Us👏Want👏To Be👏In👏A👏Ten👏Mile👏Radius👏Of👏You👏Much👏Less👏Have👏Sex👏With👏You

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Yeah, you’re right. It sucks when someone anonymous on the internet threatens to sexually assault you because of your opinions. It happens to us, too. There are a lot of trans women who are goddamn assholes online. There are a lot of people of every group who are goddamn assholes online. That doesn’t make your transphobic shit not transphobic shit.

You can address the bias that causes that and work to be a better advocate, or you can leave us well alone and let us all be on our merry way. We have lived for centuries and fought for our rights (and yours!) all the way here without you, and if you can’t work with us, on our terms, we will be just fine without you too.

You aren’t owed anything from us because of our support. Period. Fullstop.

So if fighting for trans rights — knowing you’re helping an uplift oppressed class for no personal benefit to you— doesn’t make you happy in of itself?

Do something better with your time.


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